Looking is its own action!

My dear friend "J" had sent me an email which invited an inquiry together... I thought Id share here what I wrote to him back...

"J" said:

I have been wondering why dialogue groups appeared after Krishnamurti died. Why he was so concerned that when people talk together they be generous, interact with affection. Have great care to listen to the other.

Many like to point out that Krishnamurti was protected and supported during his life by others as he did his work. Can the dialogue process be approached in a way as a support, if for a brief time, when one is laying aside ones ego and listening. It has to be relatively safe to lay down one's tools and weapons or one will not listen - will not stop the walling.

My reply:

"Why he was so concerned that when people talk together they be generous, interact with affection. Have great care to listen to the other."

yes, I can see this... the very importance of this, in what we purport to want to find for ourselves-- "inner peace", wisdom, and the like...

what Ive been calling "Debate energy"- which is the manifestation of the "agree/disagree" mind, HAS to end- HAS to find its own end, in order to ACTUALLY SEE (and not 'hold' as a belief) what it is that we are trying to come upon...

since it is the brain itself that is the very source of this agree/disagree mind, through its insistence on its own primary dichotomy, "I and other", then the brain is NOT going to be an ally, in seeing the end of debate energy within itself... it is going to insist on debating the validity of its creations, the very agree/disagree stance that it MUST make for itself, to keep itself alive (in the form of thought, or ego, I mean here)...

therefor, ONLY compassion, for the Brain itself, for this very activity, brought to it by something else found also "inwardly", will allow the brain to look inward, and STAY there... the very ending of the outward vector within the brain, IS the ending of debate energy- it is the inward vector that is ALREADY the compassion that is required to see what we want to see- and it is here, in the INWARD, where we see that IT ALSO always contained the outward that we thought was "out there"...

compassion, and compassion alone, will bring us to this...

but the ego/brain will also now want to usurp compassion as a posession for itself, so that it can take it under its control... it MUST always win for itself- its a matter of "life and death" for the ego/brain... and so it will create a version of compassion that it thinks it can "own"- that it thinks it can "use" and "carry" from one place to the next, and thus be always in the "good" or the "right" for itself...

this is still just the ego/brain at work- but this activity has NO EFFECT on Compassion itself- it cant! it is NOT the actual NATURE of Compassion to be partial, to separate itself off from all else, so that it can be carried away...

thus, JK would say "Looking is its own action"... meaning, (if I may say) that the Compassion is ALREADY acting PRECISELY where it needs to be acting, WITHOUT any "effort" from any of "us"... without any interference from the partial, the whole is already at work, doing exactly what it needs to be doing, in order to bring about this understanding that we have been in search of...

do, or dont do- its of no matter to Compassion... and its the very understanding that Compassion is its OWN action, and NOT a personal action, that will bring us to exactly the right "place"- be that called a state, or silence, or an experience, or a learning- NONE of what we call it could possibly matter to this action- its already working towards what it needs to do, to get us to a real understanding of this matter... THIS is the true "letting go", this is true "meditation"-- just Looking, and seeing the truth of this unfold before us...

there is no "loss" in this understanding- and there is no "gain"... there is no "expertise" for this either... there is no "knowing" of this on the personal level, that can be "used" to make a place for oneself in this world... there is only the watching of Compassion acting in the world, and an understanding that whatever is seen as NOT Compassion, is itself only of the world, and thus, itself, has no part of what we are trying to really see...

that is, an "illusion"... but that word can get so loaded and entrapped by the ego/brain, but Im using it here because others will use the word to point to some of this same thing too...

IS it all really an "illusion"?

who wants to know? becomes the real inquiry in that... is it the agree/disagree, delineating, dichotomous brain that is looking to "figure it out" BEFORE it gives up anything of itself that it holds dear? Or is it that ever loving infinitely deeper true Curiosity for the truth, that has set you and I on this inquiry in the first place? No doubt, since we were VERY very young lads, did we live INSIDE of this beautiful and Compassionate Curiosity...

THAT is the compassion acting... already... just the looking, to really see it- NO HOLDING BACK looking at EVERYTHING that we think of as "sacred", but is still of the world- and thus a creation of ego/brain... that Looking has always been there for us, and I dare say, for everyone really... some seem far removed from it- but they can NOT POSSIBLY be any MORE removed from it than they are of death... we are ALL equally close to this one thing- call it death, call it curiosity, call it Love, call it Compassion, call it God... whatever... it is... and it acts and has been acting perfectly to do its job of joining that which seems separate, but never really was... this is the true illusion... that any of us are separate...

on "A Course in Miracles"

On June 1st, I started reading "A Course in Miracles", after having it on my laptop in electronic form for a couple of years now...

In the past, I found material that was "objectionable" to my sense of what wisdom was. Im here now to report, oh how wrong I was!

It is an amazing work I will say, once Ive gotten past whatever "debate energy" I wanted to bring to its use of a Trinity metaphor, and the other ways in which it might define a word... it is clear, to get past ones own objections, means to enter a true listening to exactly what is being said... the truest listening does not bring with it its particular definitions, or its insistences on what must or must not be true... a true listening will hear with much different ears, and come to understand that which is being pointed to (the "mirror of relationship" is still the main pointing here, from what Ive been hearing), rather than that which the listener already "knows"...

And so, as it turns out, the use of a Trinity metaphor (being one that I grew up with, and thus the source of this "objection") is absolutely PERFECT for what I actually NEEDED to be looking at... (go figure)

other metaphors too, that Ive heard many a time over in my lookings, but found them to be lacking (e. "life is but a dream", among others) are also coming into the fullest view, of how they apply to the truth of what has been created by THIS EGO, to keep it from being with "what is" (God, if we can allow)

As of this writing, there are probably some 400 "notes" that Ive made on the text... (mostly off of what is called the "urtext" - which is the name given the original writings of the "scribe" who took down this "information/communication", before it was edited for "print" (I know, I know, some of this description is going to get loaded with new-ageyness that, goes (or has traditionally gone) against my grain too- but thus, the truest listening that I was speaking of comes to be called)

Also, I started by reading fully what is called the "Manual for Teachers", which is easily what "hooked" me into it... there was NOTHING said there, that I could find anything BUT a deep and profound recognition in what it was communicating... and thus, I might find myself recommending this-- but even there, it really doesnt matter (and actually SHOULDNT matter) where or how one comes upon this communication...

Thus goes some accounting for what Ive been doing this past month with my time (still "homeless-and jobless", which should be demanding a post of how loosely Im insisting on using these words... perhaps something clever will come along to say what it really means, using different words, but thus far there seems to be some sort of leaning to NOT give that energy just now... just sticking to the reading of ACIM as proper use of my time)

update

there have been so many... so, SO many things that have been flooding into this mind-body these last few weeks of housinglessness... this will be night #21 for me, since losing the last place that I lived in- but to be honest, only 2 of these nights were spent in my car... all of the others have been under a roof, of a Church meetinghouse, a new friend, an old friend, or a not-long seen relative - Ive been very fortunate so far in this regard, but each stay has been necessarily short...

the latest blessing has been to find someone who is allowing me to house-sit for them through the month of June, or until their house gets sold... and what a tremendous blessing this is- the house was built in 1806, and has an incredible charm (even though it stands empty but for a few plastic chairs and one bed, some built-in storage and desk helps much too- and Im able t use my folding camp tables and chair here as well... the gardens are really exquisite, and the stone walls were built by the current owners- the husband of the couple, who have lived in the place for nearly a quarter of its life- 48 years...

there is peace here... it is cold in the evenings, but my sleeping bag remedies that just fine - Id rather not turn on the heat... the refridge is perfect- the stove boils tea water perfectly well in the teakettle left behind- the water runs hot and cold, just as designed ... all is so very very wonderful here...

but the insights that have been running these 21 days- oh I do wish I could get them all down... but really, I cant... they come, and they open within- and they get absorbed without record... Ive been letting them go on purpose, it seems... to run to open my computer, or to scribble them down will not do, as Im usually in the car or in the center of some town, or in a market getting some vegetables and protein for myself- and by the time Im in a place to record them, theyre not there in writable form...

but I can tell you, they are all about kindness, and compassion, and what is so utterly false within our measuring brain that prevents us from seeing this as what life itself really is!...

ask me something here, and maybe something will come forth- but Im not writing elsewhere on the net (not really) for this time, so there is nothing fresh to add to here from that...

thats the update-

I Love life so much- its perfect no matter what comes into it... its so simple- love Love... its so so simple...

the Short version

Hi Terry,

just a quick note here-
as of yesterday, I am fully Homeless- my buddy R. kicked me out with "an hour" of notice... and there was NOTHING but his own "stuff" that was going on...

he bought a trailer for me to live in- $700 - from 1968, and he parked it out behind the barn...(I just spiritually could not bring "debate" to this request)

this because he wanted the house all to himself and his new (2 months) girlfriend that he met online...

so, on moving-to-the trailer day (I was to be out by the end of April, this is on the 28th) I started to load my possessions into it, and give it a once over with some formula 409, when five minutes later he comes out and tells me "you have to be gone in an hour" - meaning, from the house, entirely...

so that ends a two (and more) year long intensive study in the up-close-and-personal behavior of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder...

I risked everything to see this thing "to the end"- and so, thats what I got... I knew this day long ago, and its here now- and its kinda wonderful... I mean, there is really nothing but pure curiosity for whats going to come next, and a Joy of sorts for life just the way it is, that is here in this heart right now... nothing but... there is a big smile on my face for this fact alone...

but still, logistics are logistics...

oh, so not only in one day did I lose both my housing and my livelihood, but my car also would barely make it out of the driveway... transmission trouble...

so, I got the car to my storage unit (the one I rented for just this day) and loaded what I was able to put in this one-trip-load into it... and then got the car to the mechanic, and then got to the UU church in town, where the minister happened to be that night (8:00 pm) and was allowed to stay that night, and last night... she did make it sort of clear, it couldnt go beyond that (blog-post to come on the lookings involved there)...

yesterday, I got a cell phone that I owned charged up with some prepay minutes (R. left me with a few hundred bucks on the kitchen counter) and went to the mechanic (been using for 4 years now- wonderful guy!) to tell him of my situation and see if there was any way he could put me in front of the line of work for the day...

(blog-post to come) late yesterday, I got a call that my car was ready- I went to pick it up, he handed me the keys, and said "youre all set"... I said, "cool, thank you SO much for getting to it" ... I reached for my wallet... he said "youre all set"... I looked in his face, he was looking me right in the eye, he said, "youre all set"... a tear came to my eyes before I even mentally understood what he was saying... I said to him, "you know, theres a tear here now" ...he said, "I know... we all have those things happen to us, Im just glad I could do something to help in some way"... my eyes were completely blurry with tears by the time I got the key to the ignition, as they are here now again, even recounting this...

last night, I went to the Poets group at the church, the minister was leading this group... when we got to my turn to read a poem, one's own, or by someone else, I shared with the five others there, this one by Jeannie Zandi:

I want to be God's
favorite waitress. When
he comes
in the door, I
want him
to ask for me. When
he wants
something,
I want him
to ask me
to get it. I don't care
what it is. And
I don't care
how
he asks.

I want
to spend my life
perfecting my approach. Warm
smile, gracious welcome, sweet,
unhurried manner.
I want him
to feel like
he's my only
customer.

When my car breaks
down in the middle of the night with
my young daughter asleep
in the back seat, I know
it's another chance
to capture
his heart.


I ask, what will it be
God? What can
I bring you
from the kitchen? A meeting
with a friendly stranger? Hours
of waiting
in the dark? Or a long alert walk
on this cold, moon-less night?
You tell me.

I'll go get it."

____________________________

the poem was very well received, there was a good deal of warming spiritual discussion on it, and how some were reading it, and why I brought it to the group... the minister asked me before moving on to the next poem, if I had "anything more I wanted to share about this poem, and what it means to me" ...and so, I took her spiritual invitation and shared with the group too, my situation of the last two days/year ... not in length of course...

right now, Im still in the church (6:42 am) my car is packed with stuff for the next three days (may still have to get to the storage unit one more time) and Im going to Vermont to see Jeannie Zandi- D. told me she was going to be there this weekend- I think I knew this a month ago... so when I got my car back, I decided to call, and I got the host there on the phone- (the church let me use their phone too, so I didnt have to waste minutes on my new cell)... she said, "its not really so much a problem that youre not going to be able to pay, its more that we are all booked up and there are some waiting too... I felt a bit disappointed... but really, I was still ready to meet whatever it is that I was going to find around the corner... and then I told her the story above, and she said, so simply and so very sweetly, "you have to come"... and there is a joy here for that invitation alone, let alone getting to meet up with Jeannie and other folks who look deeply at things, (like EVERYone I know down there!!!)

so, we will hope my car makes the trip- and if it doesnt, Ill be Gods favorite waiter...

dont know where Ill be sleeping tonight, the backseat of my car is likely someplace... being homeless with car is Im sure something totally different than being homeless without...and so goes this part of the adventure

I hope I do get down to see you the end of the month, Ill contact G. and see if there is a way to ride down together... OR, Ill just drive down and be homeless down there rather than up here... and then Ill be there for the retreat for sure...

If you know of any resources, or can think of any ideas, let me know...

Love to you and K. and Everyone we know
Love to you all
t

Housinglessness

Im officially homeless

but I LOVE the phrase Housinglessness! its so much more true- since ones true home is in one's heart

Ill let you all know what happens, but I have an hour to pack up what I can and get out of where Ive been living- the promise of a "place to live" and "I would never kick you out on the street" was rescinded, after over a year of investing (fun word to use here) myself in the upkeep and care of this place...

all is well though
I hear God a'knockin

Ill let you all know what transpires

be well
love to all

Some things are not a matter of Opinion

... and some things are...

how does one meet what is a mere opinion, with that which is not an opinion?
to put the question another way, what happens when Open meets Closed?
how do you see something that is utterly False, and meet that with truth?

this is Peace Pilgrim, answering that question for us, as she does, by her living example (yes, her body has passed away, but her example is still quite a living thing!) (YouTube video, one hour)

And then they said, if you had to choose between killing and being killed which would you choose. Oh I said, I don't think I need to make such a choice as long as my life remains in harmony with divine purpose. But not only that, if it were my calling to be a martyr (now that's a really rare calling and it's a very high calling) I don't believe it's my calling. Although I'm ready if it is (the world learns and grows through its martyrs). I said, if I had to make such a choice, I would choose being killed rather then killing. In any case where it was necessary to choose harming and being harmed I would choose being harmed rather than harming. And they said, could you give a logical explanation for such an attitude? Yes I said in my frame of reference I could. In my frame of reference I am not the body - I am only wearing the body. I am that which activates the body - that's the reality. Now if I am killed it destroys merely the body, which is transient anyway. But if I kill it injures the reality, which can only be injured by my own wrong act. (source)

"reality can only be injured by my own wrong act"

Wow, yes!

the carrying of opinions from one place to another, and the use of them as a means to get something from another... THAT is the "wrong act"...

drop them, and see what reality actually IS. Im saying to you here- this is what Love really is- this is what Compassion actually is...

True Gifts

someone said to me yesterday, "I find I have a hard time still, owning these things as my "gifts"... the way others perceive what I say- they seem to label me as "out there"- perhaps a bit kooky, because of the way I see things"...

also, on a few occasions yesterday, I discovered my new friend had found reason to deliver some "advice" that she thought would be useful for me... to "overcome" something that she imagined I was struggling with... it could have seemed to me, that it was I who was saying "out there" things, because there was nothing in what I said that was identifiable to me as a struggle- I was speaking of nothing that I needed to "overcome"... this was strange at first sight- but then, very shortly, I saw into what I think may have been unfolding...

_____________________


the more you come to understand the truth of your own gifts, the more you will see the uselessness of advice-from-others... and proportionately, the more you will see the meaninglessness of dispensing advice-to-others (who have not explicitly asked for it)

what is important about this, is the simple ratio that it reveals

the distance between yourself and your true gifts, is going to be precisely equal to the amount of advice (unsolicited) you dispense to others...

now, here is the irony of this

those who dispense advice (unsolicited), often do not even know they are doing so- they are THAT far away from coming to understand their true gifts...

and to further the paradox along a bit more

there may arise a desire to "point this out" to the one who is dispensing advice left and right- this of course, would be oneself abandoning ones true gifts, in order to match (not meet) the advise-giving energy... if this should happen, one may want to question whether one has really understood fully, the truth of ones gifts...

now, let us look just a bit at solicited advise

I think it might be somewhat clear, if one is looking the above paradox squarely in the face, that even solicited advice is at its best, never really "advice", in the way we commonly take to mean it.... but rather, a true gift will understand enough about itself to share the question of the other... to take the question fully into ones own heart, and speak as if whatever circumstance was being examined were an alive circumstance for oneself... (indeed, on the level of true gifts, this is actually the case... there is no real separation of "you" and "me"... "I" and "other")... this true seeing changes the communication entirely, and now, that which was being sought (advice) is no longer what it was, but has transcended to a completely different level of information flow...

it is a funny thing to see a very sincere advice-giver deliver some words upon a situation, and completely miss that these words are entirely meant for themselves! that these words are really speaking of the DISTANCE between their own ideas of how the world should be, and their own true gifts...

a true gift will meet this situation with compassion... maybe it will say nothing... maybe it will say something once, from the depths of seeing the mirror of oneself in the circumstance, and then let it be... but a true gift will not endeavor to correct the circumstance from an image of "how it should be"... it will not advise against advice... it simply cannot do so...

thus, we are left with the purest form of communication

invitation...

this is the sharing of the question that was spoken of earlier... this is the seeing of the mirror, that ones own true gifts are not in any way separate from another's... they may indeed manifest in different ways, thus we have many different ways of loving God, if you will... but different is not separate... not from the level of ones true gifts... these gifts will be loath to label themselves beyond what they already see of themselves in the other... this non-separation has a completely different way of allowing for information to come and go, than this language we are sharing now is capable of fully revealing... the words are not the flow...

a true invitation is delivered from a silent, spacious place... it is an invitation to give space to the words that arrive in the haste and noise of advice... a shared looking, together, as if one were not separate from the other... advice, in the way we mean it here, is itself a separating agent- as it is itself born of that noise and haste, and is devoid of the space in which one can truly see oneself- the gift of oneself- the true gift... space is the mirror of all relationships, between people, between natural things, and man made things- all things are a part of this space, which is bound to mirror our true gifts...

lets look there, in that space
we can look together...


_______________________


Added

its funny to consider, some readers will have come here and not read past the third paragraph above... "well, if youre not interested in my advice, why should I even bother to read your blog?!"...

yes indeed- why?

and so, in perfect fashion, these folks will close this tab, and move on to other pages that resonate better with their intent... dear reader, if you have come this far in the post, then you have already understood oceans more than the advice merchant...

the invitation then, is to understand there are oceans more to see... beyond what is looked at here... the inviation is a galaxy into itself... and more beyond that...

our poor, poor, agree/disagree minds...

Im speaking here about a way to meet this universe, that has not a speck of debate within it... that flies around with stars and planets and moons- comets and asteroids...

there is no "out there" in this space... the space is always and ever "right here" ... the inward, which contains within the fullness of the apparent and all of the hidden outward... this is the space of invitation...

what are the ways we share that invitation together?

we already (and always) are,
are we not?

now, breathe*

*either the very best, or the stupidest advice ever delivered ;-)

A bit about Homelessness- and maybe surrender

You and I are on this road together ... lets say we are going to a retreat for the weekend, some 40 or 50 miles up the road ... we've been there before, so we sort of know the town some ...

we left home late though - weve been on the road for about 100 miles already - we were rather planning to have arrived there by now - its getting late, and now that its winter, its getting a bit dark a bit much earlier - so at this point in our trip, its dark out ...

and, its started to rain too ... badly, in fact ... the rain is coming down very heavily ... there are no stops really, between where we are and the town were the retreat is being held - no gas stations, no motels ...

on the side of the road, there is a homeless man - drenched and cold and rather bedraggled ... he has his shopping cart full of his worldly possessions with him ... his thumb is half heartedly out for a ride - but clearly he expects no one to stop for him, not really ...

we do stop ... we know for a fact that there is some free shelter in the town that we are headed to ...

he says to us that he will not be able to take our offer, if we cant bring his shopping cart full of stuff with us ...

the one of us that is driving, and whose car this is (and I dont know which one of us that is) says that we cant take his stuff ... that person says that the man must leave his stuff behind if he wants the ride, and try to come back for it all later ... the homeless man refuses ... the one of us driving now asks "why not just be grateful for the ride? - we cant take your stuff with us - we have our own luggage in the trunk, and the back seat is not made for carrying such cargo - and we will all three of us get soaked to the skin to try to stop and pack it all in here - its cold and wet and dark - and we just cant do it" ... "do you want a ride or not?" ....

the one of us that is the passenger, is completely unsure of what to do ... that one of us is rather seeing the irony of us going to a retreat to find some clarity around letting go of things, but too, that one of us doesnt want to get into an argument - doesnt want to piss off the driver/friend - doesnt want to get soaked either - but still, asking, "what are we doing here? - why are we in this position at all?" ...

the homeless man refuses our offer still ...

we get into the car then, and get onto our way ... its a very silent 40-50 miles from there to where we are going, except for the few comments that the driver one of us had uttered about "why couldnt he just leave his possessions behind? Im sure no one would have taken them, he could have easily hidden them in the woods, and come back for them later ... it was silly of him to be so afraid to leave behind a cart full of junk and miss the opportunity for shelter - he could have brought just the two or three things with him that he considered essential" ...

the other of us, remained silent for the most part for the rest of the trip ...

so, heres the inquiry:

who was homeless here?
and what exactly is "home"?

If I could let go of this, I could let go of anything!

Think about this with me... what would be that "one thing" that, if I could only get past the rising in my stomach/throat/brain that comes along with this particular circumstance, then I could get over ANYTHING else that were ever to come my way...

its a trick question really... the answer is, "whatever is there in front of you" (that may be rising in any given moment)

if getting past or letting go of even the simplest of risings, does not once and forever cure you of any rising yet to come, then- it wasnt really let go of...

not really...

a true and complete letting go of ANY one thing- will cure one of false expectations forever! because its not ever the "thing" that is let go- but the very act of creating an expectation in the first place... THAT is the one true and complete letting go...

perhaps, the next thing that rises in us- a slow line at the checkout in the store- a rude driver- a forgotten birthday wish- a broken promise- whatever it might be... perhaps we could give that rising within us our fullest and most complete attention, and just see... just see- maybe THIS one will BE THE ONE... the last one to ever rise in me again...

how will I ever know if it is the last one? maybe Ill never know- wouldnt that be something!

Something important onTranscendence and Immanence

A MUST READ: "our addiction to Transcendence while ignoring Immanence"

Betray

From Etymonline:

betray
c.1275, bitrayen "mislead, deceive, betray," from M.E. be- + O.Fr. traien, from L. tradere "hand over," from trans- "across" + dare "to give" (see date)

From Dictionary.com:

1. to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty
2. to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust.
3. to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one's friends.
4. to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret.
5. to reveal unconsciously (something one would preferably conceal): Her nervousness betrays her insecurity.
6. to show or exhibit; reveal; disclose: an unfeeling remark that betrays his lack of concern.
7. to deceive, misguide, or corrupt: a young lawyer betrayed by political ambitions into irreparable folly.
8. to seduce and desert.

From Etymonline:

traitor
c.1225, from O.Fr. traitor (11c.), from L. traditorem (nom. traditor) "betrayer," lit. "one who delivers," from stem of tradere "deliver, surrender" (see tradition).

___________________

I HAVE been delivered over...

I can meet that with fear, in which case, THAT is what Ive been delivered over to... or I can meet that with Love, in which case, that is the recipient of this body/mind... in any case, Ive been betrayed, in a business partnership- and as a consequence, Im coming up on a kind of semi-homelessness...

there is a 14' trailer that Ive been provided with to live in- (built in 1968) ... that will be my home... it is believed I still may be able to recieve an internet connection wirelessly, but there is no knowing for sure at this point... if I decide to walk away, I will lose anything that my car will not carry- and, in this economy/job-market...

thats what it looks like from the standpoint of "story"- from a "point of view"...

in any event, the story is not what is really important here- only how the story lives in me... and why should it live in me at all?

this is the current inquiry... and prayer...

more later, perhaps... right now, look with me at how this lives in our world... why this energy of "you are not enough" takes hold, and creates this disorder...

it is SO telling, these are the folks that seem to FEAR chaos more than death- so they go about trying to create a man-(self)-made order out of their lives... completely missing the disorder (see the post below) that is born of that very grasping... completely MISSING the order that is this beautiful life, just as it is! but the "you are not enough" is buried so deep in the unconsciousness of our mind- from childhood, from birth, and earlier- its in our DNA it would seem... but we know, some part of us KNOWS, its not true... why is it so hard to live from this knowing? why does the "not enough" return to haunt us? AND come out defending itself as "normal"... "Its how everybody does it!", says the "not-enough"...

this MUST be met with compassion- anything else, and one has stepped in that same stream of "not enough"...

so, this has been my Easter week...

and the blessings from this have poured forth- in seeing the no-struggle, that HAS to meet this energy... and IS meeting this energy, with simple prayer, and love...

peace to you all...

I love you all- no lie... no betrayal...

Narcissistic personality disorder

DSM IV-TR criteria

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special".
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement
6. is interpersonally exploitative
7. lacks empathy
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

this is here as a precursor to some upcoming post that I can feel on the horizon... its been a meditation of mine (just as it is seen here, really) for the past year... thats the time Ive spent living with someone that, Im coming to understand more and more, suffers from this condition... in my next post, will be something similar to this, that might say more- but for now I ask that you meditate on these for a bit...

this really does sound like a whole society, doesnt it?

Ive had my fill of narcissism- and in that, Im finding society at large (business, politics, "going along to get along") just a bit much... do you know what I mean?

and so, you know me... Im looking deeply, to see what of this is there in myself-
nothing has changed this realization one bit- if I recognize it in another, it means it is there in me... the very thing that is doing the recognizing, IS THAT!...

yes- I see it... and its hard to overcome... the outward pointing that arises when we feel ourselves as separate from the other...

you are the only one responsible for your own disappointment

take for instance, all of the words that are appearing these days about "Obama isnt 'all that' after all" - "just more of the same" - etc etc...

and so, the outward pointing begins, about how the "theys" and the "thems" and the "yous" should have done/known/thought this or that ...

no no no no no...

YOU are the one who placed a wrong expectation back then... YOU are the one who did not see what the truth of that moment was... YOU are the one who had insisted, and still are insisting on your measurements, on the image of what "change" would look like... and so now, your expectations looking like they are not going to be met, you are finally catching up to what the real change was... and its YOUR disappointment- not anyone elses...

YOUR measurements have ACTUALLY finally caught up to you- only now are you seeing it- but LOOK at the effect it is having on you! OUTWARD POINTING- rather than inward looking...

and so-

HERE, is what the REAL CHANGE was:

People were Happy- en masse

THATS it! - nothing more, and nothing less than that...

but, that wasnt enough for you- you had to go and make an image of the future out of that... and you know what? so were they!... in fact, THATS WHY they were happy- they all had an image too!

so, was it a "false happy"?

ONLY if you are still in YOUR IMAGE! only if you are still in your insistance about how it "should" be, can happy (and hope and promise in the sense of the Creative) ever be registered as FALSE...

but, if you should to decide NOW, as you could have THEN, and still can LATER- to just be HAPPY for Happy for being... then you will see it completely differently!

(Oh GOD, did I just say dont worry, be happy?- no no... thats not what I mean- no no no ... let me try that again....)

_____________________

for one to BE completely with what IS, in the present moment- a new seeing of what is truth and what is false emerges- and it emerges NOT out of that image making apparatus, the brain, and thought, and expectations and disappointments... but rather- it emerges out of itself...truth comes forth from itself, to inform consciousness... compassion enters, and that is what acts... and it acts only in the moment...

THAT action of compassion, that arises in the absence of time (expectation, agenda, image, the "me" thought), is what will bring real change... NOT the happy that was formed of images "back then" - NOT the happy that might come from images satisfied "later"- NOT the happy that comes from meeting up with others of like image-making apparatus ... no no... not that...

Compassion creates happy in a completely different way- and it is TIMELESS...

happy is timeless... period-
there is no "false happy"... there is only happy, or image making...

see this, please.... this is where the creative lives...

you know this... every poet knows this, every musician knows this, every artist, every writer, every runner when he's in the "zone", every lover, every mother, every mothers son and daughter, knows this... it can only ever be NOW...

there is no "false happy"
there is only happy, or image making...

seeing this, is compassion- and THAT is what is going to make the change you were "hoping" for... you have to learn what is false in yourself, the image making apparatus of the brain that creates time- that INSISTS on it... then, that insistence will drop away- and with it, war will drop away, judgment will fall to pieces, agenda will fly out the window, the "what about me" thought will never have ground to form... compassion comes in, and acts....

this cannot be "taught"- it cannot be "told"- it will not come of convincing... none of the old ways will bring this about...

do you see that? - none of the old ways!

isnt that the very thing we are here "objecting" to? the "old ways"?

the very change we are looking for HAS to begin, and be WILLING to END, HERE... here--- here--- here---

not, "out there"... be the change... this is what it means...

____________________________


ETA-

look here- I know I didnt explain it well...

THIS is what I really mean...

Birdsong from Inside the Egg

Like the ground turning green
in a spring wind.
Like birdsong beginning inside the egg.
Like this universe coming into existence,
the lover wakes and whirls in a dancing joy
then kneels down in praise.

Sometimes a lover of God may faint
In the presence. Then the Beloved bends
And whispers in his ear, “Beggar, spread out
Your robe. I’ll fill it with gold.
I’ve come to protect your consciousness.
Where has it gone? Come back into awareness.”

This fainting is because
Lovers want so much.

A chicken invites a camel into her henhouse,
And the whole structure is demolished.
A rabbit nestles down
With its eyes closed
In the arms of a lion.

There is an excess
In spiritual searching
That is profound ignorance.

Let that ignorance be our teacher!

The Friend breathes into one
who has no breath.

A deep silence revives the listening
And the speaking of those two who meet on the riverbank.

Like the ground turning green
in a spring wind.
Like birdsong beginning inside the egg.
Like this universe coming into existence,
The lover wakes, and whirls
in a dancing joy,
then kneels down in praise.


- Rumi & Coleman Barks

found here (link), mere minutes after I posted the above...

an Easter message

-Courtroom scene (from the US television series Boston Legal)

Alan Shore gets up and walks over to stand in front of Eleanor: "You think its best that I leave?"

Eleanor doesn’t reply.

Alan notices his jacket isn’t yet buttoned. He does so: "Did you not you say last week, 'Let’s work this out?' Did you not say you couldn’t bear the idea of going to work at a place without me?"

Eleanor Frutt: "I said that."

Alan Shore: "Did you mean it?"

Eleanor Frutt: "I meant it. But Alan, I said that unobjectively, as your friend. As a person who continues to care deeply for you. But… I don’t think you’re entirely well. You are gonna self-destruct one day, and I can’t prevent that. But I can’t let you destroy my partners in the process. I’m sorry."

Alan touches Eleanor's hand lightly and walks away from the stand. He says nothing more.

-end of scene-

Great stuff about "New Age" and skepticism

Bridging the Chasm between Two Cultures

A former leader in the New Age culture (Karla McLaren) author of nine titles on auras, chakras, "energy," and so on - chronicles her difficult and painful transition to skepticism. She thanks the skeptical community and agonizes over how the messages of scientific and critical thinking could be made more effective in communicating with her former New Age colleagues.

~Karla McLaren in Skeptical Inquirer

See also HERE! (link)

But I didn't find a way to be comfortable in the straight-up skeptical world. I don't feel comfortable with groups anyway. I am very skeptical, and I always have been, but I don't need to be a skeptic. Do you know what I mean? I don't need the T-shirt and the coffee mug and the card with my picture on it. It's an entirely different social world, and they've got rules I don't agree with. For instance, in many cases, arguing is pretty much the focus of skeptical discourse. For the most part, research doesn't happen there, but arguing about research does. And a lot of times, it's surprisingly untutored arguing amongst people who haven't got degrees or work experience in the subject at hand. So it's kind of like a fantasy football league of science fanboys.

...

And real researchers, real scientists, are neither skeptics nor believers, because both positions ask you to make up your mind and become concretized in your thinking. No. Great researchers are adventurers, and visionaries, and astonishingly humble people, because they have to be able to balance their knowledge and expertise with the information that comes from the world they are studying. They have to be able to change their minds when the data disconfirm their cherished opinions. Genius!

~Karla McLaren

Its a MUST READ!

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(found HERE: Church of the Churchless

by way of HERE: Rambling Taoist- To Die for a Lie)