update

there have been so many... so, SO many things that have been flooding into this mind-body these last few weeks of housinglessness... this will be night #21 for me, since losing the last place that I lived in- but to be honest, only 2 of these nights were spent in my car... all of the others have been under a roof, of a Church meetinghouse, a new friend, an old friend, or a not-long seen relative - Ive been very fortunate so far in this regard, but each stay has been necessarily short...

the latest blessing has been to find someone who is allowing me to house-sit for them through the month of June, or until their house gets sold... and what a tremendous blessing this is- the house was built in 1806, and has an incredible charm (even though it stands empty but for a few plastic chairs and one bed, some built-in storage and desk helps much too- and Im able t use my folding camp tables and chair here as well... the gardens are really exquisite, and the stone walls were built by the current owners- the husband of the couple, who have lived in the place for nearly a quarter of its life- 48 years...

there is peace here... it is cold in the evenings, but my sleeping bag remedies that just fine - Id rather not turn on the heat... the refridge is perfect- the stove boils tea water perfectly well in the teakettle left behind- the water runs hot and cold, just as designed ... all is so very very wonderful here...

but the insights that have been running these 21 days- oh I do wish I could get them all down... but really, I cant... they come, and they open within- and they get absorbed without record... Ive been letting them go on purpose, it seems... to run to open my computer, or to scribble them down will not do, as Im usually in the car or in the center of some town, or in a market getting some vegetables and protein for myself- and by the time Im in a place to record them, theyre not there in writable form...

but I can tell you, they are all about kindness, and compassion, and what is so utterly false within our measuring brain that prevents us from seeing this as what life itself really is!...

ask me something here, and maybe something will come forth- but Im not writing elsewhere on the net (not really) for this time, so there is nothing fresh to add to here from that...

thats the update-

I Love life so much- its perfect no matter what comes into it... its so simple- love Love... its so so simple...

the Short version

Hi Terry,

just a quick note here-
as of yesterday, I am fully Homeless- my buddy R. kicked me out with "an hour" of notice... and there was NOTHING but his own "stuff" that was going on...

he bought a trailer for me to live in- $700 - from 1968, and he parked it out behind the barn...(I just spiritually could not bring "debate" to this request)

this because he wanted the house all to himself and his new (2 months) girlfriend that he met online...

so, on moving-to-the trailer day (I was to be out by the end of April, this is on the 28th) I started to load my possessions into it, and give it a once over with some formula 409, when five minutes later he comes out and tells me "you have to be gone in an hour" - meaning, from the house, entirely...

so that ends a two (and more) year long intensive study in the up-close-and-personal behavior of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder...

I risked everything to see this thing "to the end"- and so, thats what I got... I knew this day long ago, and its here now- and its kinda wonderful... I mean, there is really nothing but pure curiosity for whats going to come next, and a Joy of sorts for life just the way it is, that is here in this heart right now... nothing but... there is a big smile on my face for this fact alone...

but still, logistics are logistics...

oh, so not only in one day did I lose both my housing and my livelihood, but my car also would barely make it out of the driveway... transmission trouble...

so, I got the car to my storage unit (the one I rented for just this day) and loaded what I was able to put in this one-trip-load into it... and then got the car to the mechanic, and then got to the UU church in town, where the minister happened to be that night (8:00 pm) and was allowed to stay that night, and last night... she did make it sort of clear, it couldnt go beyond that (blog-post to come on the lookings involved there)...

yesterday, I got a cell phone that I owned charged up with some prepay minutes (R. left me with a few hundred bucks on the kitchen counter) and went to the mechanic (been using for 4 years now- wonderful guy!) to tell him of my situation and see if there was any way he could put me in front of the line of work for the day...

(blog-post to come) late yesterday, I got a call that my car was ready- I went to pick it up, he handed me the keys, and said "youre all set"... I said, "cool, thank you SO much for getting to it" ... I reached for my wallet... he said "youre all set"... I looked in his face, he was looking me right in the eye, he said, "youre all set"... a tear came to my eyes before I even mentally understood what he was saying... I said to him, "you know, theres a tear here now" ...he said, "I know... we all have those things happen to us, Im just glad I could do something to help in some way"... my eyes were completely blurry with tears by the time I got the key to the ignition, as they are here now again, even recounting this...

last night, I went to the Poets group at the church, the minister was leading this group... when we got to my turn to read a poem, one's own, or by someone else, I shared with the five others there, this one by Jeannie Zandi:

I want to be God's
favorite waitress. When
he comes
in the door, I
want him
to ask for me. When
he wants
something,
I want him
to ask me
to get it. I don't care
what it is. And
I don't care
how
he asks.

I want
to spend my life
perfecting my approach. Warm
smile, gracious welcome, sweet,
unhurried manner.
I want him
to feel like
he's my only
customer.

When my car breaks
down in the middle of the night with
my young daughter asleep
in the back seat, I know
it's another chance
to capture
his heart.


I ask, what will it be
God? What can
I bring you
from the kitchen? A meeting
with a friendly stranger? Hours
of waiting
in the dark? Or a long alert walk
on this cold, moon-less night?
You tell me.

I'll go get it."

____________________________

the poem was very well received, there was a good deal of warming spiritual discussion on it, and how some were reading it, and why I brought it to the group... the minister asked me before moving on to the next poem, if I had "anything more I wanted to share about this poem, and what it means to me" ...and so, I took her spiritual invitation and shared with the group too, my situation of the last two days/year ... not in length of course...

right now, Im still in the church (6:42 am) my car is packed with stuff for the next three days (may still have to get to the storage unit one more time) and Im going to Vermont to see Jeannie Zandi- D. told me she was going to be there this weekend- I think I knew this a month ago... so when I got my car back, I decided to call, and I got the host there on the phone- (the church let me use their phone too, so I didnt have to waste minutes on my new cell)... she said, "its not really so much a problem that youre not going to be able to pay, its more that we are all booked up and there are some waiting too... I felt a bit disappointed... but really, I was still ready to meet whatever it is that I was going to find around the corner... and then I told her the story above, and she said, so simply and so very sweetly, "you have to come"... and there is a joy here for that invitation alone, let alone getting to meet up with Jeannie and other folks who look deeply at things, (like EVERYone I know down there!!!)

so, we will hope my car makes the trip- and if it doesnt, Ill be Gods favorite waiter...

dont know where Ill be sleeping tonight, the backseat of my car is likely someplace... being homeless with car is Im sure something totally different than being homeless without...and so goes this part of the adventure

I hope I do get down to see you the end of the month, Ill contact G. and see if there is a way to ride down together... OR, Ill just drive down and be homeless down there rather than up here... and then Ill be there for the retreat for sure...

If you know of any resources, or can think of any ideas, let me know...

Love to you and K. and Everyone we know
Love to you all
t