I have friends who are Quakers, friends who are Unitarian Universalists, friends who Dialogue in the Bohmian tradition, friends who are Mystics, friends who are Poets, and so many other friends who live lives of wisdom and wonder... this is my account of the meeting with these friends...

Monday, June 22, 2009

Looking is its own action!

My dear friend "J" had sent me an email which invited an inquiry together... I thought Id share here what I wrote to him back...

"J" said:

I have been wondering why dialogue groups appeared after Krishnamurti died. Why he was so concerned that when people talk together they be generous, interact with affection. Have great care to listen to the other.

Many like to point out that Krishnamurti was protected and supported during his life by others as he did his work. Can the dialogue process be approached in a way as a support, if for a brief time, when one is laying aside ones ego and listening. It has to be relatively safe to lay down one's tools and weapons or one will not listen - will not stop the walling.

My reply:
"Why he was so concerned that when people talk together they be generous, interact with affection. Have great care to listen to the other."

yes, I can see this... the very importance of this, in what we purport to want to find for ourselves-- "inner peace", wisdom, and the like...

what Ive been calling "Debate energy"- which is the manifestation of the "agree/disagree" mind, HAS to end- HAS to find its own end, in order to ACTUALLY SEE (and not 'hold' as a belief) what it is that we are trying to come upon...

since it is the brain itself that is the very source of this agree/disagree mind, through its insistence on its own primary dichotomy, "I and other", then the brain is NOT going to be an ally, in seeing the end of debate energy within itself... it is going to insist on debating the validity of its creations, the very agree/disagree stance that it MUST make for itself, to keep itself alive (in the form of thought, or ego, I mean here)...

therefor, ONLY compassion, for the Brain itself, for this very activity, brought to it by something else found also "inwardly", will allow the brain to look inward, and STAY there... the very ending of the outward vector within the brain, IS the ending of debate energy- it is the inward vector that is ALREADY the compassion that is required to see what we want to see- and it is here, in the INWARD, where we see that IT ALSO always contained the outward that we thought was "out there"...

compassion, and compassion alone, will bring us to this...

but the ego/brain will also now want to usurp compassion as a posession for itself, so that it can take it under its control... it MUST always win for itself- its a matter of "life and death" for the ego/brain... and so it will create a version of compassion that it thinks it can "own"- that it thinks it can "use" and "carry" from one place to the next, and thus be always in the "good" or the "right" for itself...

this is still just the ego/brain at work- but this activity has NO EFFECT on Compassion itself- it cant! it is NOT the actual NATURE of Compassion to be partial, to separate itself off from all else, so that it can be carried away...

thus, JK would say "Looking is its own action"... meaning, (if I may say) that the Compassion is ALREADY acting PRECISELY where it needs to be acting, WITHOUT any "effort" from any of "us"... without any interference from the partial, the whole is already at work, doing exactly what it needs to be doing, in order to bring about this understanding that we have been in search of...

do, or dont do- its of no matter to Compassion... and its the very understanding that Compassion is its OWN action, and NOT a personal action, that will bring us to exactly the right "place"- be that called a state, or silence, or an experience, or a learning- NONE of what we call it could possibly matter to this action- its already working towards what it needs to do, to get us to a real understanding of this matter... THIS is the true "letting go", this is true "meditation"-- just Looking, and seeing the truth of this unfold before us...

there is no "loss" in this understanding- and there is no "gain"... there is no "expertise" for this either... there is no "knowing" of this on the personal level, that can be "used" to make a place for oneself in this world... there is only the watching of Compassion acting in the world, and an understanding that whatever is seen as NOT Compassion, is itself only of the world, and thus, itself, has no part of what we are trying to really see...

that is, an "illusion"... but that word can get so loaded and entrapped by the ego/brain, but Im using it here because others will use the word to point to some of this same thing too...

IS it all really an "illusion"?

who wants to know? becomes the real inquiry in that... is it the agree/disagree, delineating, dichotomous brain that is looking to "figure it out" BEFORE it gives up anything of itself that it holds dear? Or is it that ever loving infinitely deeper true Curiosity for the truth, that has set you and I on this inquiry in the first place? No doubt, since we were VERY very young lads, did we live INSIDE of this beautiful and Compassionate Curiosity...

THAT is the compassion acting... already... just the looking, to really see it- NO HOLDING BACK looking at EVERYTHING that we think of as "sacred", but is still of the world- and thus a creation of ego/brain... that Looking has always been there for us, and I dare say, for everyone really... some seem far removed from it- but they can NOT POSSIBLY be any MORE removed from it than they are of death... we are ALL equally close to this one thing- call it death, call it curiosity, call it Love, call it Compassion, call it God... whatever... it is... and it acts and has been acting perfectly to do its job of joining that which seems separate, but never really was... this is the true illusion... that any of us are separate...

Saturday, June 20, 2009

on "A Course in Miracles"

On June 1st, I started reading "A Course in Miracles", after having it on my laptop in electronic form for a couple of years now...

In the past, I found material that was "objectionable" to my sense of what wisdom was. Im here now to report, oh how wrong I was!

It is an amazing work I will say, once Ive gotten past whatever "debate energy" I wanted to bring to its use of a Trinity metaphor, and the other ways in which it might define a word... it is clear, to get past ones own objections, means to enter a true listening to exactly what is being said... the truest listening does not bring with it its particular definitions, or its insistences on what must or must not be true... a true listening will hear with much different ears, and come to understand that which is being pointed to (the "mirror of relationship" is still the main pointing here, from what Ive been hearing), rather than that which the listener already "knows"...

And so, as it turns out, the use of a Trinity metaphor (being one that I grew up with, and thus the source of this "objection") is absolutely PERFECT for what I actually NEEDED to be looking at... (go figure)

other metaphors too, that Ive heard many a time over in my lookings, but found them to be lacking (e. "life is but a dream", among others) are also coming into the fullest view, of how they apply to the truth of what has been created by THIS EGO, to keep it from being with "what is" (God, if we can allow)

As of this writing, there are probably some 400 "notes" that Ive made on the text... (mostly off of what is called the "urtext" - which is the name given the original writings of the "scribe" who took down this "information/communication", before it was edited for "print" (I know, I know, some of this description is going to get loaded with new-ageyness that, goes (or has traditionally gone) against my grain too- but thus, the truest listening that I was speaking of comes to be called)

Also, I started by reading fully what is called the "Manual for Teachers", which is easily what "hooked" me into it... there was NOTHING said there, that I could find anything BUT a deep and profound recognition in what it was communicating... and thus, I might find myself recommending this-- but even there, it really doesnt matter (and actually SHOULDNT matter) where or how one comes upon this communication...

Thus goes some accounting for what Ive been doing this past month with my time (still "homeless-and jobless", which should be demanding a post of how loosely Im insisting on using these words... perhaps something clever will come along to say what it really means, using different words, but thus far there seems to be some sort of leaning to NOT give that energy just now... just sticking to the reading of ACIM as proper use of my time)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


there have been so many... so, SO many things that have been flooding into this mind-body these last few weeks of housinglessness... this will be night #21 for me, since losing the last place that I lived in- but to be honest, only 2 of these nights were spent in my car... all of the others have been under a roof, of a Church meetinghouse, a new friend, an old friend, or a not-long seen relative - Ive been very fortunate so far in this regard, but each stay has been necessarily short...

the latest blessing has been to find someone who is allowing me to house-sit for them through the month of June, or until their house gets sold... and what a tremendous blessing this is- the house was built in 1806, and has an incredible charm (even though it stands empty but for a few plastic chairs and one bed, some built-in storage and desk helps much too- and Im able t use my folding camp tables and chair here as well... the gardens are really exquisite, and the stone walls were built by the current owners- the husband of the couple, who have lived in the place for nearly a quarter of its life- 48 years...

there is peace here... it is cold in the evenings, but my sleeping bag remedies that just fine - Id rather not turn on the heat... the refridge is perfect- the stove boils tea water perfectly well in the teakettle left behind- the water runs hot and cold, just as designed ... all is so very very wonderful here...

but the insights that have been running these 21 days- oh I do wish I could get them all down... but really, I cant... they come, and they open within- and they get absorbed without record... Ive been letting them go on purpose, it seems... to run to open my computer, or to scribble them down will not do, as Im usually in the car or in the center of some town, or in a market getting some vegetables and protein for myself- and by the time Im in a place to record them, theyre not there in writable form...

but I can tell you, they are all about kindness, and compassion, and what is so utterly false within our measuring brain that prevents us from seeing this as what life itself really is!...

ask me something here, and maybe something will come forth- but Im not writing elsewhere on the net (not really) for this time, so there is nothing fresh to add to here from that...

thats the update-

I Love life so much- its perfect no matter what comes into it... its so simple- love Love... its so so simple...

Friday, May 1, 2009

the Short version

Hi Terry,

just a quick note here-
as of yesterday, I am fully Homeless- my buddy R. kicked me out with "an hour" of notice... and there was NOTHING but his own "stuff" that was going on...

he bought a trailer for me to live in- $700 - from 1968, and he parked it out behind the barn...(I just spiritually could not bring "debate" to this request)

this because he wanted the house all to himself and his new (2 months) girlfriend that he met online...

so, on moving-to-the trailer day (I was to be out by the end of April, this is on the 28th) I started to load my possessions into it, and give it a once over with some formula 409, when five minutes later he comes out and tells me "you have to be gone in an hour" - meaning, from the house, entirely...

so that ends a two (and more) year long intensive study in the up-close-and-personal behavior of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder...

I risked everything to see this thing "to the end"- and so, thats what I got... I knew this day long ago, and its here now- and its kinda wonderful... I mean, there is really nothing but pure curiosity for whats going to come next, and a Joy of sorts for life just the way it is, that is here in this heart right now... nothing but... there is a big smile on my face for this fact alone...

but still, logistics are logistics...

oh, so not only in one day did I lose both my housing and my livelihood, but my car also would barely make it out of the driveway... transmission trouble...

so, I got the car to my storage unit (the one I rented for just this day) and loaded what I was able to put in this one-trip-load into it... and then got the car to the mechanic, and then got to the UU church in town, where the minister happened to be that night (8:00 pm) and was allowed to stay that night, and last night... she did make it sort of clear, it couldnt go beyond that (blog-post to come on the lookings involved there)...

yesterday, I got a cell phone that I owned charged up with some prepay minutes (R. left me with a few hundred bucks on the kitchen counter) and went to the mechanic (been using for 4 years now- wonderful guy!) to tell him of my situation and see if there was any way he could put me in front of the line of work for the day...

(blog-post to come) late yesterday, I got a call that my car was ready- I went to pick it up, he handed me the keys, and said "youre all set"... I said, "cool, thank you SO much for getting to it" ... I reached for my wallet... he said "youre all set"... I looked in his face, he was looking me right in the eye, he said, "youre all set"... a tear came to my eyes before I even mentally understood what he was saying... I said to him, "you know, theres a tear here now" ...he said, "I know... we all have those things happen to us, Im just glad I could do something to help in some way"... my eyes were completely blurry with tears by the time I got the key to the ignition, as they are here now again, even recounting this...

last night, I went to the Poets group at the church, the minister was leading this group... when we got to my turn to read a poem, one's own, or by someone else, I shared with the five others there, this one by Jeannie Zandi:

I want to be God's
favorite waitress. When
he comes
in the door, I
want him
to ask for me. When
he wants
I want him
to ask me
to get it. I don't care
what it is. And
I don't care
he asks.

I want
to spend my life
perfecting my approach. Warm
smile, gracious welcome, sweet,
unhurried manner.
I want him
to feel like
he's my only

When my car breaks
down in the middle of the night with
my young daughter asleep
in the back seat, I know
it's another chance
to capture
his heart.

I ask, what will it be
God? What can
I bring you
from the kitchen? A meeting
with a friendly stranger? Hours
of waiting
in the dark? Or a long alert walk
on this cold, moon-less night?
You tell me.

I'll go get it."


the poem was very well received, there was a good deal of warming spiritual discussion on it, and how some were reading it, and why I brought it to the group... the minister asked me before moving on to the next poem, if I had "anything more I wanted to share about this poem, and what it means to me" ...and so, I took her spiritual invitation and shared with the group too, my situation of the last two days/year ... not in length of course...

right now, Im still in the church (6:42 am) my car is packed with stuff for the next three days (may still have to get to the storage unit one more time) and Im going to Vermont to see Jeannie Zandi- D. told me she was going to be there this weekend- I think I knew this a month ago... so when I got my car back, I decided to call, and I got the host there on the phone- (the church let me use their phone too, so I didnt have to waste minutes on my new cell)... she said, "its not really so much a problem that youre not going to be able to pay, its more that we are all booked up and there are some waiting too... I felt a bit disappointed... but really, I was still ready to meet whatever it is that I was going to find around the corner... and then I told her the story above, and she said, so simply and so very sweetly, "you have to come"... and there is a joy here for that invitation alone, let alone getting to meet up with Jeannie and other folks who look deeply at things, (like EVERYone I know down there!!!)

so, we will hope my car makes the trip- and if it doesnt, Ill be Gods favorite waiter...

dont know where Ill be sleeping tonight, the backseat of my car is likely someplace... being homeless with car is Im sure something totally different than being homeless without...and so goes this part of the adventure

I hope I do get down to see you the end of the month, Ill contact G. and see if there is a way to ride down together... OR, Ill just drive down and be homeless down there rather than up here... and then Ill be there for the retreat for sure...

If you know of any resources, or can think of any ideas, let me know...

Love to you and K. and Everyone we know
Love to you all

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Im officially homeless

but I LOVE the phrase Housinglessness! its so much more true- since ones true home is in one's heart

Ill let you all know what happens, but I have an hour to pack up what I can and get out of where Ive been living- the promise of a "place to live" and "I would never kick you out on the street" was rescinded, after over a year of investing (fun word to use here) myself in the upkeep and care of this place...

all is well though
I hear God a'knockin

Ill let you all know what transpires

be well
love to all

Some things are not a matter of Opinion

... and some things are...

how does one meet what is a mere opinion, with that which is not an opinion?
to put the question another way, what happens when Open meets Closed?
how do you see something that is utterly False, and meet that with truth?

this is Peace Pilgrim, answering that question for us, as she does, by her living example (yes, her body has passed away, but her example is still quite a living thing!) (YouTube video, one hour)

And then they said, if you had to choose between killing and being killed which would you choose. Oh I said, I don't think I need to make such a choice as long as my life remains in harmony with divine purpose. But not only that, if it were my calling to be a martyr (now that's a really rare calling and it's a very high calling) I don't believe it's my calling. Although I'm ready if it is (the world learns and grows through its martyrs). I said, if I had to make such a choice, I would choose being killed rather then killing. In any case where it was necessary to choose harming and being harmed I would choose being harmed rather than harming. And they said, could you give a logical explanation for such an attitude? Yes I said in my frame of reference I could. In my frame of reference I am not the body - I am only wearing the body. I am that which activates the body - that's the reality. Now if I am killed it destroys merely the body, which is transient anyway. But if I kill it injures the reality, which can only be injured by my own wrong act. (source)

"reality can only be injured by my own wrong act"

Wow, yes!

the carrying of opinions from one place to another, and the use of them as a means to get something from another... THAT is the "wrong act"...

drop them, and see what reality actually IS. Im saying to you here- this is what Love really is- this is what Compassion actually is...

Sunday, April 26, 2009

True Gifts

someone said to me yesterday, "I find I have a hard time still, owning these things as my "gifts"... the way others perceive what I say- they seem to label me as "out there"- perhaps a bit kooky, because of the way I see things"...

also, on a few occasions yesterday, I discovered my new friend had found reason to deliver some "advice" that she thought would be useful for me... to "overcome" something that she imagined I was struggling with... it could have seemed to me, that it was I who was saying "out there" things, because there was nothing in what I said that was identifiable to me as a struggle- I was speaking of nothing that I needed to "overcome"... this was strange at first sight- but then, very shortly, I saw into what I think may have been unfolding...


the more you come to understand the truth of your own gifts, the more you will see the uselessness of advice-from-others... and proportionately, the more you will see the meaninglessness of dispensing advice-to-others (who have not explicitly asked for it)

what is important about this, is the simple ratio that it reveals

the distance between yourself and your true gifts, is going to be precisely equal to the amount of advice (unsolicited) you dispense to others...

now, here is the irony of this

those who dispense advice (unsolicited), often do not even know they are doing so- they are THAT far away from coming to understand their true gifts...

and to further the paradox along a bit more

there may arise a desire to "point this out" to the one who is dispensing advice left and right- this of course, would be oneself abandoning ones true gifts, in order to match (not meet) the advise-giving energy... if this should happen, one may want to question whether one has really understood fully, the truth of ones gifts...

now, let us look just a bit at solicited advise

I think it might be somewhat clear, if one is looking the above paradox squarely in the face, that even solicited advice is at its best, never really "advice", in the way we commonly take to mean it.... but rather, a true gift will understand enough about itself to share the question of the other... to take the question fully into ones own heart, and speak as if whatever circumstance was being examined were an alive circumstance for oneself... (indeed, on the level of true gifts, this is actually the case... there is no real separation of "you" and "me"... "I" and "other")... this true seeing changes the communication entirely, and now, that which was being sought (advice) is no longer what it was, but has transcended to a completely different level of information flow...

it is a funny thing to see a very sincere advice-giver deliver some words upon a situation, and completely miss that these words are entirely meant for themselves! that these words are really speaking of the DISTANCE between their own ideas of how the world should be, and their own true gifts...

a true gift will meet this situation with compassion... maybe it will say nothing... maybe it will say something once, from the depths of seeing the mirror of oneself in the circumstance, and then let it be... but a true gift will not endeavor to correct the circumstance from an image of "how it should be"... it will not advise against advice... it simply cannot do so...

thus, we are left with the purest form of communication


this is the sharing of the question that was spoken of earlier... this is the seeing of the mirror, that ones own true gifts are not in any way separate from another's... they may indeed manifest in different ways, thus we have many different ways of loving God, if you will... but different is not separate... not from the level of ones true gifts... these gifts will be loath to label themselves beyond what they already see of themselves in the other... this non-separation has a completely different way of allowing for information to come and go, than this language we are sharing now is capable of fully revealing... the words are not the flow...

a true invitation is delivered from a silent, spacious place... it is an invitation to give space to the words that arrive in the haste and noise of advice... a shared looking, together, as if one were not separate from the other... advice, in the way we mean it here, is itself a separating agent- as it is itself born of that noise and haste, and is devoid of the space in which one can truly see oneself- the gift of oneself- the true gift... space is the mirror of all relationships, between people, between natural things, and man made things- all things are a part of this space, which is bound to mirror our true gifts...

lets look there, in that space
we can look together...



its funny to consider, some readers will have come here and not read past the third paragraph above... "well, if youre not interested in my advice, why should I even bother to read your blog?!"...

yes indeed- why?

and so, in perfect fashion, these folks will close this tab, and move on to other pages that resonate better with their intent... dear reader, if you have come this far in the post, then you have already understood oceans more than the advice merchant...

the invitation then, is to understand there are oceans more to see... beyond what is looked at here... the inviation is a galaxy into itself... and more beyond that...

our poor, poor, agree/disagree minds...

Im speaking here about a way to meet this universe, that has not a speck of debate within it... that flies around with stars and planets and moons- comets and asteroids...

there is no "out there" in this space... the space is always and ever "right here" ... the inward, which contains within the fullness of the apparent and all of the hidden outward... this is the space of invitation...

what are the ways we share that invitation together?

we already (and always) are,
are we not?

now, breathe*

*either the very best, or the stupidest advice ever delivered ;-)

Friday, April 24, 2009

A bit about Homelessness- and maybe surrender

You and I are on this road together ... lets say we are going to a retreat for the weekend, some 40 or 50 miles up the road ... we've been there before, so we sort of know the town some ...

we left home late though - weve been on the road for about 100 miles already - we were rather planning to have arrived there by now - its getting late, and now that its winter, its getting a bit dark a bit much earlier - so at this point in our trip, its dark out ...

and, its started to rain too ... badly, in fact ... the rain is coming down very heavily ... there are no stops really, between where we are and the town were the retreat is being held - no gas stations, no motels ...

on the side of the road, there is a homeless man - drenched and cold and rather bedraggled ... he has his shopping cart full of his worldly possessions with him ... his thumb is half heartedly out for a ride - but clearly he expects no one to stop for him, not really ...

we do stop ... we know for a fact that there is some free shelter in the town that we are headed to ...

he says to us that he will not be able to take our offer, if we cant bring his shopping cart full of stuff with us ...

the one of us that is driving, and whose car this is (and I dont know which one of us that is) says that we cant take his stuff ... that person says that the man must leave his stuff behind if he wants the ride, and try to come back for it all later ... the homeless man refuses ... the one of us driving now asks "why not just be grateful for the ride? - we cant take your stuff with us - we have our own luggage in the trunk, and the back seat is not made for carrying such cargo - and we will all three of us get soaked to the skin to try to stop and pack it all in here - its cold and wet and dark - and we just cant do it" ... "do you want a ride or not?" ....

the one of us that is the passenger, is completely unsure of what to do ... that one of us is rather seeing the irony of us going to a retreat to find some clarity around letting go of things, but too, that one of us doesnt want to get into an argument - doesnt want to piss off the driver/friend - doesnt want to get soaked either - but still, asking, "what are we doing here? - why are we in this position at all?" ...

the homeless man refuses our offer still ...

we get into the car then, and get onto our way ... its a very silent 40-50 miles from there to where we are going, except for the few comments that the driver one of us had uttered about "why couldnt he just leave his possessions behind? Im sure no one would have taken them, he could have easily hidden them in the woods, and come back for them later ... it was silly of him to be so afraid to leave behind a cart full of junk and miss the opportunity for shelter - he could have brought just the two or three things with him that he considered essential" ...

the other of us, remained silent for the most part for the rest of the trip ...

so, heres the inquiry:

who was homeless here?
and what exactly is "home"?

If I could let go of this, I could let go of anything!

Think about this with me... what would be that "one thing" that, if I could only get past the rising in my stomach/throat/brain that comes along with this particular circumstance, then I could get over ANYTHING else that were ever to come my way...

its a trick question really... the answer is, "whatever is there in front of you" (that may be rising in any given moment)

if getting past or letting go of even the simplest of risings, does not once and forever cure you of any rising yet to come, then- it wasnt really let go of...

not really...

a true and complete letting go of ANY one thing- will cure one of false expectations forever! because its not ever the "thing" that is let go- but the very act of creating an expectation in the first place... THAT is the one true and complete letting go...

perhaps, the next thing that rises in us- a slow line at the checkout in the store- a rude driver- a forgotten birthday wish- a broken promise- whatever it might be... perhaps we could give that rising within us our fullest and most complete attention, and just see... just see- maybe THIS one will BE THE ONE... the last one to ever rise in me again...

how will I ever know if it is the last one? maybe Ill never know- wouldnt that be something!

Thursday, April 16, 2009


From Etymonline:
c.1275, bitrayen "mislead, deceive, betray," from M.E. be- + O.Fr. traien, from L. tradere "hand over," from trans- "across" + dare "to give" (see date)

From Dictionary.com:
1. to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty
2. to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust.
3. to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one's friends.
4. to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret.
5. to reveal unconsciously (something one would preferably conceal): Her nervousness betrays her insecurity.
6. to show or exhibit; reveal; disclose: an unfeeling remark that betrays his lack of concern.
7. to deceive, misguide, or corrupt: a young lawyer betrayed by political ambitions into irreparable folly.
8. to seduce and desert.

From Etymonline:
c.1225, from O.Fr. traitor (11c.), from L. traditorem (nom. traditor) "betrayer," lit. "one who delivers," from stem of tradere "deliver, surrender" (see tradition).


I HAVE been delivered over...

I can meet that with fear, in which case, THAT is what Ive been delivered over to... or I can meet that with Love, in which case, that is the recipient of this body/mind... in any case, Ive been betrayed, in a business partnership- and as a consequence, Im coming up on a kind of semi-homelessness...

there is a 14' trailer that Ive been provided with to live in- (built in 1968) ... that will be my home... it is believed I still may be able to recieve an internet connection wirelessly, but there is no knowing for sure at this point... if I decide to walk away, I will lose anything that my car will not carry- and, in this economy/job-market...

thats what it looks like from the standpoint of "story"- from a "point of view"...

in any event, the story is not what is really important here- only how the story lives in me... and why should it live in me at all?

this is the current inquiry... and prayer...

more later, perhaps... right now, look with me at how this lives in our world... why this energy of "you are not enough" takes hold, and creates this disorder...

it is SO telling, these are the folks that seem to FEAR chaos more than death- so they go about trying to create a man-(self)-made order out of their lives... completely missing the disorder (see the post below) that is born of that very grasping... completely MISSING the order that is this beautiful life, just as it is! but the "you are not enough" is buried so deep in the unconsciousness of our mind- from childhood, from birth, and earlier- its in our DNA it would seem... but we know, some part of us KNOWS, its not true... why is it so hard to live from this knowing? why does the "not enough" return to haunt us? AND come out defending itself as "normal"... "Its how everybody does it!", says the "not-enough"...

this MUST be met with compassion- anything else, and one has stepped in that same stream of "not enough"...

so, this has been my Easter week...

and the blessings from this have poured forth- in seeing the no-struggle, that HAS to meet this energy... and IS meeting this energy, with simple prayer, and love...

peace to you all...

I love you all- no lie... no betrayal...

Narcissistic personality disorder

DSM IV-TR criteria

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special".
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement
6. is interpersonally exploitative
7. lacks empathy
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

this is here as a precursor to some upcoming post that I can feel on the horizon... its been a meditation of mine (just as it is seen here, really) for the past year... thats the time Ive spent living with someone that, Im coming to understand more and more, suffers from this condition... in my next post, will be something similar to this, that might say more- but for now I ask that you meditate on these for a bit...

this really does sound like a whole society, doesnt it?

Ive had my fill of narcissism- and in that, Im finding society at large (business, politics, "going along to get along") just a bit much... do you know what I mean?

and so, you know me... Im looking deeply, to see what of this is there in myself-
nothing has changed this realization one bit- if I recognize it in another, it means it is there in me... the very thing that is doing the recognizing, IS THAT!...

yes- I see it... and its hard to overcome... the outward pointing that arises when we feel ourselves as separate from the other...

you are the only one responsible for your own disappointment

take for instance, all of the words that are appearing these days about "Obama isnt 'all that' after all" - "just more of the same" - etc etc...

and so, the outward pointing begins, about how the "theys" and the "thems" and the "yous" should have done/known/thought this or that ...

no no no no no...

YOU are the one who placed a wrong expectation back then... YOU are the one who did not see what the truth of that moment was... YOU are the one who had insisted, and still are insisting on your measurements, on the image of what "change" would look like... and so now, your expectations looking like they are not going to be met, you are finally catching up to what the real change was... and its YOUR disappointment- not anyone elses...

YOUR measurements have ACTUALLY finally caught up to you- only now are you seeing it- but LOOK at the effect it is having on you! OUTWARD POINTING- rather than inward looking...

and so-

HERE, is what the REAL CHANGE was:

People were Happy- en masse

THATS it! - nothing more, and nothing less than that...

but, that wasnt enough for you- you had to go and make an image of the future out of that... and you know what? so were they!... in fact, THATS WHY they were happy- they all had an image too!

so, was it a "false happy"?

ONLY if you are still in YOUR IMAGE! only if you are still in your insistance about how it "should" be, can happy (and hope and promise in the sense of the Creative) ever be registered as FALSE...

but, if you should to decide NOW, as you could have THEN, and still can LATER- to just be HAPPY for Happy for being... then you will see it completely differently!

(Oh GOD, did I just say dont worry, be happy?- no no... thats not what I mean- no no no ... let me try that again....)


for one to BE completely with what IS, in the present moment- a new seeing of what is truth and what is false emerges- and it emerges NOT out of that image making apparatus, the brain, and thought, and expectations and disappointments... but rather- it emerges out of itself...truth comes forth from itself, to inform consciousness... compassion enters, and that is what acts... and it acts only in the moment...

THAT action of compassion, that arises in the absence of time (expectation, agenda, image, the "me" thought), is what will bring real change... NOT the happy that was formed of images "back then" - NOT the happy that might come from images satisfied "later"- NOT the happy that comes from meeting up with others of like image-making apparatus ... no no... not that...

Compassion creates happy in a completely different way- and it is TIMELESS...

happy is timeless... period-
there is no "false happy"... there is only happy, or image making...

see this, please.... this is where the creative lives...

you know this... every poet knows this, every musician knows this, every artist, every writer, every runner when he's in the "zone", every lover, every mother, every mothers son and daughter, knows this... it can only ever be NOW...

there is no "false happy"
there is only happy, or image making...

seeing this, is compassion- and THAT is what is going to make the change you were "hoping" for... you have to learn what is false in yourself, the image making apparatus of the brain that creates time- that INSISTS on it... then, that insistence will drop away- and with it, war will drop away, judgment will fall to pieces, agenda will fly out the window, the "what about me" thought will never have ground to form... compassion comes in, and acts....

this cannot be "taught"- it cannot be "told"- it will not come of convincing... none of the old ways will bring this about...

do you see that? - none of the old ways!

isnt that the very thing we are here "objecting" to? the "old ways"?

the very change we are looking for HAS to begin, and be WILLING to END, HERE... here--- here--- here---

not, "out there"... be the change... this is what it means...



look here- I know I didnt explain it well...

THIS is what I really mean...

Birdsong from Inside the Egg

Like the ground turning green
in a spring wind.
Like birdsong beginning inside the egg.
Like this universe coming into existence,
the lover wakes and whirls in a dancing joy
then kneels down in praise.

Sometimes a lover of God may faint
In the presence. Then the Beloved bends
And whispers in his ear, “Beggar, spread out
Your robe. I’ll fill it with gold.
I’ve come to protect your consciousness.
Where has it gone? Come back into awareness.”

This fainting is because
Lovers want so much.

A chicken invites a camel into her henhouse,
And the whole structure is demolished.
A rabbit nestles down
With its eyes closed
In the arms of a lion.

There is an excess
In spiritual searching
That is profound ignorance.

Let that ignorance be our teacher!

The Friend breathes into one
who has no breath.

A deep silence revives the listening
And the speaking of those two who meet on the riverbank.

Like the ground turning green
in a spring wind.
Like birdsong beginning inside the egg.
Like this universe coming into existence,
The lover wakes, and whirls
in a dancing joy,
then kneels down in praise.

- Rumi & Coleman Barks

found here (link), mere minutes after I posted the above...

Sunday, April 12, 2009

an Easter message

-Courtroom scene (from the US television series Boston Legal)

Alan Shore gets up and walks over to stand in front of Eleanor: "You think its best that I leave?"

Eleanor doesn’t reply.

Alan notices his jacket isn’t yet buttoned. He does so: "Did you not you say last week, 'Let’s work this out?' Did you not say you couldn’t bear the idea of going to work at a place without me?"

Eleanor Frutt: "I said that."

Alan Shore: "Did you mean it?"

Eleanor Frutt: "I meant it. But Alan, I said that unobjectively, as your friend. As a person who continues to care deeply for you. But… I don’t think you’re entirely well. You are gonna self-destruct one day, and I can’t prevent that. But I can’t let you destroy my partners in the process. I’m sorry."

Alan touches Eleanor's hand lightly and walks away from the stand. He says nothing more.

-end of scene-

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Great stuff about "New Age" and skepticism

Bridging the Chasm between Two Cultures

A former leader in the New Age culture (Karla McLaren) author of nine titles on auras, chakras, "energy," and so on - chronicles her difficult and painful transition to skepticism. She thanks the skeptical community and agonizes over how the messages of scientific and critical thinking could be made more effective in communicating with her former New Age colleagues.

~Karla McLaren in Skeptical Inquirer

See also HERE! (link)

But I didn't find a way to be comfortable in the straight-up skeptical world. I don't feel comfortable with groups anyway. I am very skeptical, and I always have been, but I don't need to be a skeptic. Do you know what I mean? I don't need the T-shirt and the coffee mug and the card with my picture on it. It's an entirely different social world, and they've got rules I don't agree with. For instance, in many cases, arguing is pretty much the focus of skeptical discourse. For the most part, research doesn't happen there, but arguing about research does. And a lot of times, it's surprisingly untutored arguing amongst people who haven't got degrees or work experience in the subject at hand. So it's kind of like a fantasy football league of science fanboys.


And real researchers, real scientists, are neither skeptics nor believers, because both positions ask you to make up your mind and become concretized in your thinking. No. Great researchers are adventurers, and visionaries, and astonishingly humble people, because they have to be able to balance their knowledge and expertise with the information that comes from the world they are studying. They have to be able to change their minds when the data disconfirm their cherished opinions. Genius!

~Karla McLaren



(found HERE: Church of the Churchless

by way of HERE: Rambling Taoist- To Die for a Lie)

Friday, April 10, 2009

the vice of "not enough"

there is another GREAT conversation going on over at BlissChick's (enCouragingBliss: Do Not Get Rid of Your Vice) about turning around what is falsely appearing as "not enough" in this moment, and seeing the very Truth of our nature behind that... below is one of the longish comments that Ive been making over there- but do go over and join in yourself!

yes, attachment is key to "vice"- and when I look inwardly to myself, there really is no confusing this...

for me, consuming alcoholic beverages is not a vice- I simply do not do it... there is no longer an attachment to it- there USED to be, but somewhere along the line, that just went away (from a complete seeing of the falseness of that action in MY life)... so when there was attachment there was "vice"- now there is no attachment... there is no struggle, there is no "should" or "should not" attached to it... I use wine in cooking, and there is a pleasant smell, and the enjoyment ends there, it doesnt go further as it once did... (therapy, and 12 step programs did not "do" this for me- it happened in just this way that Im describing, a DEEP looking at what is ones True nature)

now, procrastination DOES still have an attachment for me... there IS something that rises in me, when I feel Im being "lazy"- this is a problem now, it is a vice...

I see it is a vice, and Im clear about it- because there is an inevitable "should" that rises along with it... "I SHOULD have finished/ started/ not promised/ that task"... "I SHOULD not be so lazy"... "Ive overcome huge obstacles in the past, so I SHOULD not be having a problem with this!"...

the "turn around" is simple: "How do you know that is true?"... "what would it be if that SHOULD was simply not there in that sentence? would the world end? would people come to REAL harm, because you didnt meet their expectations?"

THEN, I really get to see the vice... its expectation itself! "Should" is past and future- and not ever true in this very moment! so I am "projecting" an image onto this moment (no matter how strongly felt, held, believed, or even reasoned logically!) that HAS NO VALIDITY to the truth of this moment... RIGHT NOW, there is not a SINGLE VALID should that can prove itself as true... whatever is TRUE for this moment, is RIGHT NOW, getting done without a SHOULD attached to it...

LOOK, and you will see!

really! there are NO shoulds in this moment- all shoulds are there in the future, and have no validity, no life, no air, no oxegen fuel, to this moment... ONLY in that feeling in the pit of my stomach, that is the ONLY place a should shows up as "real"- but to everything else as it is, there is no validity!

Ive seen this about alcohol, at the heart level- Ive not yet seen this about meeting others expectations at the heart level (the falseness of it I mean)... the "should" can still arise, and that most certainly feeds on itself, to where I "procrastinate" (whatever the hell that is) and end up letting others down... so, I look at it- I see the falseness of it (just like I did the alcohol) and I LET IT fall away on its own- LOVE and COMPASSION must come to this, not another "should" ("you "should" know this by now, after all, YOUR the one who is still doing it") - NO! love and compassion are not a possession that one can use to overcome a should with- love and compassion are the very seeing of the falseness of all of this, and then THEY come to act on this seeing... compassion acts of its own accord- as soon as I think "I must have more compassion so that..." - then Im back in the illusion again... seeing this IS love acting... and THAT is the real turn around!

there is someone on the web that does this sort of thing, I would certainly recommend seeing her speak on video or visiting her site...

Byron Katie, speaks a lot about the "turn around"- and the Inquiry being Love itself...

YouTube vids here

(sorry Christine, I get "carried away" on these responses sometimes- but this is the stuff I "live for"- and the conversation here is alive, I just arrive and this is what comes... bless you for your blog and your insights)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Strike for the Homeless

You know what should happen?

the employees of some big company should all go on strike, in order to house the homeless... thats right, "we wont go back to work, until you fatcats in the big offices build some basic housing in our town, for those that are currently living on the streets."

dont you think that would be an interesting thing to see?

has anyone ever done anything like that? anyone know? I dont know...

and, Im saddened that it took me until I find myself inches away from homelessness to even think of this... "I should have done more when I had the chance", is now going through my head... so, how can I ever blame anyone for their own "what about me" thought!?

Dear Debator

oh, dear debator-

the foolishness is this:
its not whether or not another believes or does not believe in God
or X, Y, Z-

its not whether or not another is open minded enough to see the very truth of what you are seeing-

its, how do you get across to another, who has closed his mind, the very truth of what you are seeing?

you should have seen by now, that which you resist, persists

END your debate*, and you will get across to the other, the very TRUTH of what you see!

but if you choose not to, then you have made the heart of the debate, "rightness", into that God which you have put above all others...

"So what" you ask?

yes, so what...?


after reading this very good post
and watching this excellently done video:

still, its not enough to see the truth-
its not possible to "have" the truth-
one must be the truth, to have it make a difference

and the truth of an open mind is so much greater
than being right


not to mention, when you end your debate, you might just see something that the other WAS seeing rightly, and you had been missing...


ETA (after watching this wonderful video)
*here, by debate I mean at its essence, the insistence on the primacy of the us/them - agree/disagree mind

Monday, April 6, 2009

Wisdom of the Hands

Its about time that I highlight here another of my favorite daily blog visits- Doug Stowe's Wisdom of the Hands

Some of you may know, I was a Jeweler for many years, culminating in my own design practice - it was when and where I learned so much about the things of the Spirit that you see me speak about here- the doorways of perception, we might call it - I left that work many years ago now, to pursue "deeper things" (a story for another day) but I find Doug's blog about teaching youngsters in Arkansas and the world over the Love of handwork to be one of the most spirit filled that anyone might find anywhere...

Here is a particularly deep conversation (how can they be ready for that?) and below, one of my comments that came from reading Doug's and others lookings in that thread...

what we are talking about here is the mistaking of Craft for Art...

Art should never be spoken of- should never be practiced- should never be valued- should never be pursued

Craft, is Love... love of the material, love of the source of that material, love of the tools that work that material and of the toolmaker that makes the tools, love for the person for whom this material will form into usefulness, love for the person who delivered the material to the shop in which it will be worked...

Art is the product of that Love
pursuit of Art is foolishness, because it will be absent of Love, and instead, filled with the "what about me" thought- as Doug called it, "measurement"... "what will I get out of this?" - "what will THEY think of me?" - "how much will this be worth?" - "will I be respected by THEM?"

all of these are thoughts of separation - of me and you - of I and other - there is no Love there in these thoughts, and this is what "Art" has become... I say, let us not speak of Art at all... let us instead put ourselves to the material, and learn of it... learn of earth, and dirt, and sunlight, and tree, and mountain, and brook, and ocean, and all the creatures therein... learn them through the love of the Meeting - through the Wisdom of the Hands - through the Union of Heart and Mind and the materials of the earth... This is what Craft is- Love!

as well, the materials do not have to be of the earth, although it is surely with them that we will come to learn this... but the materials are also YOU- your life- your heart- your thought- your experience- your loves- your losses- your craft... that also, is the material of this Love- and there is where the true meeting will take place! the truest of all learnings, is not that which might produce a craft, but that which meets the other fully, as they are, without measurement and in FULL recognition- of the falseness of our perceived separation - seeing the mirror of the other- seeing me, when I look at you, when I look at a tree, a bird, a field mouse, a pine cone, a pumpkin, a grapevine, a crystal of tourmaline trapped in some rock, the sediment at the bottom of a stream bed... this is what the materials of the earth are there to teach us- LOOK at their sacrifice! that we may learn this lesson!

Trees, Mountains, Creatures, give their LIFE, that we may come to this meeting! That you and I are not the separate things we think we are- that you and I are one thing, and in that oneness, everything... this is the purpose of Craft, of Love!

let us not speak of Art- let us instead learn what Art is, through the meeting with the materials of this earth, these planets, these suns... this existence...

Friday, April 3, 2009


the site where I first found this is no longer up, so Im not sure then where this should be attributed- but its just too good- I have to post it here today:

Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says `Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He's dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. It's another ace. He has twenty. "Saul, take another card," the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice. Hit me,Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: "un-f--king-believable!"

Sometimes if feels like Ive led this incredibly risk-filled life, in search of a singularly perfect truth, that everyone else in the world already knows!

do you ever get that?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Faith, Time, and Compassion

First, please do read this excellent article by Doug Muder: A Religion for Hard Times

my comment after reading his article (posted here on his blog)

Panic: "whats going to happen to me?!" = Future

Denial: "it wasnt supposed to be like this!" = Past

Radical Uncertainty: This moment, unfolding, perfection, just as it is... Now...

Belief: the mistaken notion that the infinite nature of Nature is the Eternal- "Because its so BIG, Ill never understand it"... Infinity is still a time bound mathematical concept- an invention of man...

Faith: the ending of time, meeting Eternity here and now

Joseph Campbell put it like this:

"Eternity isn’t some later time. Eternity isn’t even a long time. Eternity has nothing to do with time. Eternity is that dimension of here and now that all thinking in temporal terms cuts off. And if you don’t get it here, you won’t get it anywhere. The problem with heaven is that you will be having such a good time there, you won’t even think of eternity. You’ll just have this unending delight in the beatific vision of God. But the experience of eternity right here and now, in all things, whether thought of as good or as evil, is the function of life."

Im saying, its in the meeting of the Eternal with the Infinite, where Time comes into being, is where Panic and Denial are born... but to stay in this moment, and not get lost in the mathematics of life, but to just be with the unfolding of this moment, just as it is- then something new can be seen- something that has been spoken of by sages throughout human history...

Im saying that Faith is this meeting place- between Time and the Timeless- between the "what about me" thought, and the truth of no separation- between Form and the Formless- Heaven and Earth- I and Other...

the ending of Debate- of the agree/disagree mind... the ending of Expertise, of ones resume- past/future... the ending of Comparison- "whats in it for me"- "what have you done for me lately?"... the ENDING of these things, will transcend our panic and denial- will lift us out of the wild forest- and into the loving arms of the Universe Unfolding- whatever condition it finds us in!... I would like to say, its not an arc- its not "of time", where Love meets us, its life itself...

this is not "easy", I know...
but there is a truth to this, what Im speaking about, that heals...
life is suffering, yes... we are bound to time, as long as we are bound to time... when we look to see what of this moment is NOT timebound- THAT is what heals... that is what we would call, Compassion... it transcends the "you" and "me" - its not even about "we" per se... its beyond that... and this is what heals...

Sunday, March 22, 2009

when I tell you that I am a sufi

when I tell you that I am a sufi
why do you want so badly to believe that its true?

when I tell you that Im a mystic
why does your eyebrow raise up?

when I tell you that Im a tree
why does your finger begin to reach for a book of names and addresses?

when I tell you that I love you
why do you begin searching the attic trunks, to see if there is
something old in there you can let me wear?

when I tell you that Im hungry
why does your stomach begin to clench?

when I tell you how Im feeling
why do you reach for the radio to turn to a song you like better?

when I tell you of years that vanish into cloudforms
why is a brighter light suddenly called for?

when I tell you of the closeness of the soil, beneath the foot of a mantis
why does your lower lip tremble from the word "god"?

when I tell you I am homeless
why do you feel a sudden need to travel to the sea?

when I tell you that one needle from a single norway spruce, is enough to brighten my thoughts
why do you ask me what I do for my living?

when I tell you of the song that Ive yet to write
why do you give me tales from your wedding night?

when I tell you what the spring breezes were trying to whisper to me
where did you think you would hide?

will you meet me now,
that you know what mysteries have poured from the heart?
can you still your cheek, or your eyelids, through one meal
and listen to the sound of the sun crossing the sky?

here is where it waits- here is where it was left for you to find
that very day you put the distance of three thousand lifetimes
between us

Saturday, March 21, 2009


From The Natural Contemplative:

Watching Whales, Watching Ourselves

Meditation isn't really worth anything unless it exhausts all of our strategies and concepts and opinions and plans and ideas about who we are and what the world is, and leaves us with nowhere to go and nothing to do. Leaves us with nothing at all to grab onto, no safety net, no life raft, no "self." Nothing but this moment in its marvelous, incomprehensible actuality.

I love the root of the word "Profound" ... it could be said to mean "before the bottom" - I can imagine it as, "lets get to the bottom of this" - or - "the ground of all being" perhaps-- there seems to be several ways in which this etym can infuse the metaphor...

so, I loved that John's metaphor of watching and learning the way of whales, as capturing the essence of meditation, fits in so nicely with this image of diving into the ocean and exploring all of what is there "before the bottom" - this has always been the way Ive enjoyed the root of the word Profound- as a "diving in"... there is an ocean of life here to be lived, and we may never get to the bottom of it- but its clearly the dive itself, where the true meditation lies...


and too, I found this a perfect thing to share for a delightful thread at Blisschick's (Help Answer a Reader's Question!) - you must check this out too!

The Doorway

what a wonderful coincidence!

Ive been following MysticSaint's blog (Inspirations and Creative Thoughts) for several months now, and Ive just posted my first comment there- it is a marvelously rich and love poured work of Sufi inspiration...

and today, we find talk of the doorway! "We are a door that’s never locked" How fun!

so, I shared my poeticized version of part of one of my postings below, that now Im obliged to put it here too- although, I keep repeating this, "its still in draft form" ... (I guess now, its not a draft any longer ... sometimes poems will whisper to the pen, "ready or not, here I come!")

the only way to convey
a truth-completely-seen,
is to BE that truth,

one must be like a janitor
one may have the keys to a truth
but it is just a doorway-
the only job for the one
who has seen the other side
is to leave the door

if the truth
from the other side
should be pulled into the hall
for delivery
then our poor janitor has failed
at his job-
treating the contents of
that truth
as his own property, and
as such, he
has stolen it away

this is how it is to create
hierarchy, out of that
which was never subject to it

-the truth

it cannot be a
proper stewardship of truth,
to make the truth one's own
to enter into the debate

the true janitor
opens the door
and leaves

our participants in the hall
are to find the doorway
for themselves-
to go through

there is a great humility to being the janitor
this is what makes him the “keeper”
of truth… the debators
may have clever means
for “success”
at their disposal
but for their sadness
they may never come upon the truth
(we will only get to see
what we've come to find
in our debate-
more of our own “not enough”)…

this is why
the janitor
is found to be
mumbling to himself-

his conversation has been
with unseen
unknown things, that others
in the hall
have yet to discover

and too, Ill repost this note:

the image (and thus, the word) of Janitor keeps coming to me by way of its etymology:

1584, "an usher, doorkeeper," from L. janua "door," from janus "arched passageway"

and so,

Janus: ancient It. deity, guardian god of portals, patron of beginnings and endings, 1508, from L., lit. "gate, arched passageway," perhaps from PIE base *ei- "to go" (cf. Skt. yanah "path," O.C.S. jado "to travel"). He is shown as having two faces, one in front the other in back. His temple in Rome was closed only in times of peace.

the metaphor is so utterly rich- the "two faces" being a metaphor for that which has no opposites, or the mirror within oneself, if you like...

Friday, March 20, 2009

one molecule of peace

When one molecule of peace will change the whole field...

PLEASE, see this posting from Elena: Outer War, Inner Peace

Thursday, March 19, 2009

what is "spiritual"?

There are a lot of things that can be said about the word "spiritual", and for me, ALL of them are probably true... (in the sense that when one goes deeply inward, it is seen that nothing is true, and everything is true)...but, here is what I would like say about the word just now:

if it is not willing to go inward, and (self) examine the "what about me" thought, then it is not "spiritual"...

hopefully, you are seeing the irony here- this very statement that I just made can be called into question by its own position- "does this statement go inward, and examine the "what about me" thought, or does it posit a certainty about the matter?

seeing the truth of this, however, may be enough to let it be... seeing the falseness of language itself, and seeing this with great immediacy and care (compassion), itself and alone, may counter the shortcomings of language, to allow for what is spiritual to come to the meeting...

agenda, however, will simply acknowledge the shortcomings of language, and carry on with making its point- bound to coming into conflict with all the other "points" and "positions" out there... in agenda, there is no real Listening- there is just more of the "whats in it for me" thought... agenda cuts off the spiritual, and then makes argument for why it was "right"... it will be telling the truth of that, certainly- but it will still be partial, and not of the whole... when one listens, without agenda, one is participating in the whole...

this is the essence of collaboration- this is what comes to truly meet you...

Jalal ad-Din Rumi said:

There is a way between
Voice and Presence
where information flows

in wandering talk, it closes
in disciplined silence, it opens

so, what do we do, when we come upon another's insistence- another's request for compassion from us, BEFORE they will listen to us? Do you see this? this is the essence of agenda- of the "what about me" thought... "First, YOU give me, THEN, I will give you in return"... there are things in life that come to this and are still called "knowing" or "non-negotiable"... but they are delivered out of the "what about me" thought, and that itself will close off any possibility of meeting... so what then?

how will we meet with this closedness?

what happens, when open meets closed?

do you see this? it is very clear... only the agenda, the "what about me" thought itself, will not be able to see the truth of what happens when open meets closed...

look with me...

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Something more on Hierarchy

The conversation on hierarchy with Will Shetterly continues here:

Will says:
“If both the far right and far left oppose you, you’re probably doing something wrong”

I could be saying this here to myself, couldnt I? or, something much bigger than we can commonly see is at play here- embedded into the structure of what is unfolding… how will we find out? how would we come to know if we are seeing something that is simply not seen by ANY “sides”? something beyond the notion of “sides”…

Will says:
“this isn’t meant to persuade. It’s meant to say I believe I understand why they behave as they do, and if there’s a way to get through to them, I do not know what it is, because so far as I can tell, their fundamental beliefs preclude it.”

So, this is what Im talking about-
you are saying that you have seen a truth that you also know intuitively, cannot live within the energy of “debate”- that as soon as debate is brought to it, it burns it up- debate consumes this truth, it is that rare, it is that delecate.. but at the same time, it is THAT overarching…

Will says:
“I have fundamental beliefs of my own that aren’t subject to logic: that everyone’s equal and everyone should share. They want a better form of hierarchy; I want to end hierarchy. There should be room for us to work together in some places, but their system doesn’t allow for allies as the rest of us understand the term”

Yes! this is what Im talking about- IF you can say that youve seen the end of hierarchy, THEN you simply cannot go back into the debate- debate itself is nothing BUT the attempt to “place oneself”- to position, to “take a stand” and test that stand… this will all continue to feed the energy of hierarchy… the ending of this is a completely different truth- when one comes upon this, and truly sees this within oneself- THATS when debate ends, because hierarchy ends within oneself…

as long as there is a sense of debate- a sense of “my logic is over arching, and they SHOULD get it”, it doesnt matter HOW TRUE that may be, the “they should” is what shuts out that overarching logic found at the end of debate… “they should” is what will invite debate right back in to the looking… the delicate (but HUGE) truth that is seen at the end of hierarchy, cannot withstand that invitation…

the end of hierarchy is humility- and humility by definition, will not debate with anyone- it will not try to convince in any way- it cannot carry a “should”… the should will shut it out so quickly- like those doors that used to slam down on the opening credits of “Get Smart” (original version) - SLAM- closed- when debate meets humility- meets the end of hierarchy…

Will, Im saying that what youve seen is true, but it cannot be carried- the truth of the end of hierarchy, comes with the truth of the end of debate- the end of certainty- the end of the “what about me” thought- as long as these things continue, it is the “truth carrier” that is crushing the truth- that is bringing a closed to that which was opened… these things live within US, and are not an “out there” that can be debated against… or else, what youve seen, is what you continue to see “out there”, and was never really true in the first place…

this is called “missing the mirror”- the very act of seeing that the overarching truth (the end of hierarchy) is being missed by “out there”, is ones own missing it “in here”- it can only be MY OWN insistence- and this is really who the “should” is being leveled at… missing the mirror- missing my own seeing of a truth that is so much bigger than me- and my own pitiful attempts to carry this, and make it “mine”…

the only way to convey a truth-completely-seen, is to BE that truth, completely… one must be like a janitor, one may have the keys to a truth, but it is just a doorway, and the only job of one who has seen what is on the other side of that door, is to open the door and leave- if the truth of the other side of that doorway, is pulled into the hall and delivered, then the janitor has failed at his job- he has made the contents of that truth his own property, and as such, stolen the truth- this is how it is to create hierarchy, out of that which was never subject to it in the first place- the truth… this is not proper stewardship of the truth- to make the truth your own in order to enter into debate… the true janitor opens the door, and leaves the participants in the hall to find the doorway for themselves- to go through themselves… there is great humility to being a janitor, and this is what makes him the “keeper” of the truth… the debators may have clever means to “success” at their disposal, but they will never come upon the truth- they will only get to see what they came to find- more of their own “not enough”…

(this is why the janitor is always found mumbling to himself… his conversation is with unseen and unknown things, that the others in the hall have yet to find)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Cult of "More"

A "must see" article- LET IT DIE: Rushkoff on the economy

I was just calling this a "natural correction" in my post below- this is very much the part of the cult I was speaking of (as well as Academia, which feeds these illusions)

From the page:
Now that the scheme we have mistaken for the real economy is collapsing under its own weight, however, it’s a whole lot easier to make these arguments. And, if anything, it’s even more important for us to come to grips with the fact that the system in peril is not a natural one, or even one that we should be attempting to revive and restore. The thing that is dying—the corporatized model of commerce—has not, nor has it ever been, supportive of the real economy. It wasn’t meant to be. And before we start lamenting its demise or, worse, spending good money after bad to resuscitate it, we had better understand what it was for, how it nearly sucked us all dry, and why we should put it out of our misery.

The Cult of Measurement

This post is a response to another of Will Shetterly's that comments on "The Culture of Cults"- which caught my interest, in that I can see myself agreeing with much of what I see there...

From the page:

Cult belief systems are typically:

Independent and non-accountable - believers follow their own self-justifying moral codes: e.g. a Moonie may, in their own mind, justify deceptive recruiting as 'deceiving evil into goodness'.

Aspirational - they appeal to ambitious, idealistic people. The assumption that only weak, gullible people join cults is not necessarily true.

Personal and experiential - it is not possible to exercise informed free choice in advance, about whether the belief system is valid or not, or about the benefits of following the study and training opportunities offered by the group. The benefits, if any, of group involvement can only be evaluated after a suitable period of time spent with the group. How long a suitable period of time might be, depends on the individual, and cannot be determined in advance.

Hierarchical and dualistic - cult belief systems revolve around ideas about higher and lower levels of understanding. There is a hierarchy of awareness, and a path from lower to higher levels. Believers tend to divide the world into the saved and the fallen, the awakened and the deluded, etc.

Bi-polar - believers experience alternating episodes of faith and doubt, confidence and anxiety, self-righteousness and guilt, depending how well or how badly they feel they are progressing along the path.

Addictive - believers may become intoxicated with the ideals of the belief system, and feel a vicarious pride in being associated with these ideals. Cults tend to be cliquey and elitist, and believers can become dependent on the approval of the group's elite to maintain their own self-esteem. At an extreme, believers fear they will fall into hell if they leave the group.

Psychologically damaging - when established members leave or are expelled, they may develop a particular kind of cult-induced mental disorder, marked by anxiety and difficulty in making decisions. The disorder exhibits similarities to (but is not identical to) post-traumatic stress disorder, and certain types of adjustment disorders. [ICD 10, F60.6, F66.1, etc.]

Non-falsifiable - a cult belief system can never be shown to be invalid or wrong. This is partly why critics have low credibility, and why it can be difficult to warn people of the dangers of a cult.

My comment on Will's blog:

These attributes of a cult are probably perfect in how they are seeing the situation- and Im sure they can probably be attributed to any "ism" that we can think of, and still hold water

the thing they seem to be missing, is what Ive been calling the "mirror"- that is, the ability to self reflect, to look and see if the things that are being put forth are likewise applicable to the place where those attributes are being seen FROM-

for instance, this would be akin to going into a doctoral dissertation defense, and having your dissertation be ABOUT the Falsity of defending doctoral dissertations- this should be a perfectly valid experiment, but can the academic system allow such self examination while in the very process of producing what is being challenged BY what it produced? (ie, expertise)

Im saying the aspect of this mirror, the extreme willingness to self-examine WHILE in the process of putting forth self, is like watching a drop of pigment fall into a clear glass of water- there is no chance of taking the pigment back out by the same methods that got it there...

one must END all notions of "us" and "them"- and from there, a new learning comes into it... as long as we insist on using "us" and "them" language, no matter how pure the original seeing may have been, it will be tainted by a separation that is itself infused with the same energy that was seen as false in the first place...

this is what I call "carrying the insight"... an insight cannot be carried into the next moment, and made into knowledge- this is simply not the nature of insight... an insight is an opening, pure and simple- an opening into non-separation, that must stay put in the very moment that it is seen... the moment one attempts to "carry" this opening with one, into the next moment (to make "knowledge" out of it) it becomes as closed to the truth as that separation which gave it birth...

END the "us and them", the "-isms" and "-ists", the need for expertise of any kind, within one self... END them, and then compassion acts... compassion will act of its own accord- without our need to make it into something - into something "special" or "better"- the movement of making "special" or "better" is still of the same energy that created hierarchies in the first place- there is still underneath all of that, the "what about me" thought, that is itself infused with the same hierarchy...

It takes an act of great Love and curiosity to end the separation of "us and them"- to end it ALL, within oneself, before any thought of communicating an insight comes into play- a great faith in truth is necessary, and integral to that truth-faith is the knowing that we cannot ever know- a willingness to look inward, to the mirror, and see that everything that is measured is already there in oneself...

this act of Love that looks, cannot be born of hierarchy and separation- it is prior to all separation - prior to all measurements, it is the source of any insight- and it will not carry to the next moment- it must be brought to the meeting NEW, each time...

this is what will end war- by ending the conflict that is inherent in pointing outward from oneself- by risking it all, to find that which was never separated from its source, from the ground of all being- to find it HERE, and NOW, without any call to expertise, without any act of agreement or disagreement- just to look inwardly, and see the mirror of relationship- this is the ending of hierarchy- finding out where it cannot live- depriving it of its energy, completely, within oneself, BEFORE there is any requirement that the other do so... this is what will bring true peace

A deeper listening to my labels

The "conversation with God" post (two below here) was deleted from its source post by the owner of that blog- as well as some other comment-posts that I made there by way of explaining my not needing to hang on the word "God" for what I was meaning to say. It seems my explanations were not effective- everything got deleted, apparently for the use of the word "God" (Im sad that I did not save my "explanation" posts, they are lost) ... so, this has been with me since the day of the post, as well as the irony that all of this was around our human propensity to "Label"...

I also promised Val, in my comment to her comment (below)- that I was holding her "Labels" post with my lookings, and that I would have more to say "later"... this took some time, to absorb the ironic nature of all of this looking, and what my own comments might be... put another way, my promise to Val got caught up in the deletion of my comment from Forest Wisdoms blog...

below, is what came to me this morning about all of this- it is what came to me as I looked again at Val's posts (If there's one thing I hate... and Words Reduce Reality) and all of the comments there, about "Labels" - and true to form, it ended up quite lengthly- so Im putting it here rather than burdening Vals blog with such a long comment...


It seems to me to be an important thing, that when I see what is false about labels (or words which as Tolle and others have said, are also labels in their way- more essential to the problem perhaps) ...when I see what is false about labels, its important that I trace it back to as far as I can possibly go- to get to the root of whatever might create conflict with "what is"...

when I trace back words and labels to their root, and look at how they create conflict, it seems to always come upon this movement of "agree/disagree"- accept/reject- fight or flight- what a friend once called the "purr and flinch"- ... this movement of opposites takes many forms, but these forms are, at their base, just opposites... this is what seems undeniable about them...

its not a meaningless paradox to notice that even in this, one might have the impulse to agree or disagree...

this movement seems to be near the very source of labels... indeed, of words- of language itself...

so when we move to "do something about" labels, then the simple question comes to the fore, "have I just labeled labels?" - as good/bad - acceptable/unacceptable - worthy of keeping as is/worthy of needing to change- on and on we go with the movement of opposites...

I think we can trace back this movement of opposites to a "Prime Opposite"- that which supersedes all others- "I/other"... and this may be the thing that inevitably creates conflict with "what is"

here, Im saying "what is" is the world AS it is- without opposites... here, Im saying that in order to understand more of what is, one must find the place within oneself that can rest with what is, WITHOUT the use of agree/disagree... WITHOUT the purr or flinch...

this has been called many things- space- silence- listening- peace- looking... whatever part of the human engages with the world that has not yet created a label, made a word or a thought out of it- whatever that place in the human experience might be, that place can see what the world without opposites really is... that place can consider what it is the sage sees when he says "you ARE the world"... that's the place that can understand deeper things... it may return to the world of words in order to communicate what was seen, but it has nothing invested in those words- there is no longer a movement of "agree/disagree" ... when the gateway of that paradox has been gone through, there is no longer conflict with "what is" - no separation from "you" and "me" and "them" and "us"...

here, everything is telling the truth...

this understanding can only ever be held "lightly" - ever so delicately, gently - as an invitation, not ever as a claim... as soon as something contains the energy of a claim- then it goes back into the world of opposites again, and it has no life to understanding the world as it is, without opposites... this is what I mean when I ask "why do we measure?" - its not to suggest that we "shouldnt" measure, because then we have merely created another opposite out of it... its a true invitation into that silent place, where there is no separation from you and me- its been called "oneness" as well, and thats as good a word as any...

when we measure our existence, we kill what we are- life itself- we make a dead thing out of what was just alive within us- in order to carry it to the next experience - in order to "have" it, so that it might keep us safe- this is what our labels intend to do, to keep us safe by keeping us separate from that which the brain (thought/word/measuring center that it is) is helpless to miss- utter connectedness...

all of the agree/disagree that we do misses this connectedness- it separates by its very nature... if you agree with me, then you have done the same thing as if you disagreed with me- you have killed the invitation to life- this movement of opposites is what keep us missing life- it may create wonderful cathedrals and bridges and art and culture and rockets to the moon, when in its place- but it slips out of its place so easily, into the psychological- into a belief that we are separate from everything else- and this creates the "what about me" thought, that in turn leads to every war this planet has ever experienced...

life is an invitation... we kill it when we meet it with anything but like invitation... if we insist on any conclusion, then we are not living in this invitation- we are insisting on opposition- this will drive us deeper and deeper into self-involvement, as is quite evident by the world we see around us... there are natural corrections to this, but when we strive for "better/more/faster" in any way, then the intelligence that is natural to this universe is laid aside, so that the "what about me" thought can reign supreme...

this language... this poor poor language- it's so innocent of its shortfall... it is built to make claims- it is so very difficult to hold invitation... but if we look, if we look carefully, those of us who have been as thoughtful as we can be about all of this- we will see that its not the language that attracts us, that resonates within us- but the poetry... the energy of connectedness... that which is willing to drop the words, and look again, in silence- in space- in peace... just that looking alone, will see into the truth of what we are...

Monday, March 16, 2009

I have permission to post part of an incredibly beautiful poem that Elena wrote- Im so very pleased to have this here- her blog, Wandering Monk, Reluctant Gyrovague, is just terrific- deeply insightful, and full of Peace and Love- please go give her a visit...

The Dead Come Out in March

In winter everything sleeps under cover – so quiet and clean, so empty. I love the sharp, black calligraphy of plant stems rearing above the snow: asters, milkweed, or regal prairie dock. But with March, the sordid dead come out. Cold rain runs uncaring through rotted leaves, sodden sticks and matted grass. Any lingering snow turns gritty dark from the decay heaved to its surface. It might as well be road debris.

Birds swing joyously by, but who else could believe this is the path to life?

Just so the spiritual journey. When in the March of it, I sometimes long for the time I still slept - when I didn’t have to daily sort through yesterday’s corpses. And I wonder why some have their feet placed on the path to wakefulness, with all the pain of learning to see what is. Yet others sleep until the end, never glimpsing what else they could be


~R. Elena Tabachnick

theres more to the poem, go check it out!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

a "conversation with God"

There's a "conversation with God" that came to me today- born here at Forest Wisdom's blog... (please know, Im both and neither, an atheist and/or a theist- it simply doesnt matter to me- the word "God" is sometimes helpful for a poetic soul to use, and so thats all...)

me: "why do I measure?"

God: "are you saying you think you shouldnt measure?"

me: "no, but Ive been seeing that measurements are always coming up in me- and that they always fall short of the truth"

God: "what is the truth?"

me: "what if I said 'You'?"

God: "thats right- but do you know me?"

me: "no- I doubt you completely"

God: "I wouldnt have it any other way"

me: "I know- I know that about you- and for that, I think youre cool... so, why do I measure?"

God: "Let me cut right to it for you, ok?"

me: "sure, please!"

God: "you measure because Ive allowed you to... its how you know yourself- its what you are... I gave dolphins sonar so that they can know where they are in the ocean, and where others are in relationship to themselves- they send out little "pings" and back comes the signal, and in that way, they get to know where they are at all times- 'there is a ship, there is a whale, there is a school, there is my pod'- this is dolphin-measure... I gave elephants a deep throat so they can rumble across the savannah ... I gave eagles sharp eyes so they can see into the canyons... I gave humans a frontal cortex so they can think into the very depths of their own existence... this is why you measure, so that you know who you are- so that you can know where you are- so that you can know what you are...."

me: "I get that- that makes sense- but the thing is, this can often cause such suffering... when I say "those people over there" - and I see "them" in relation to "my people over here", I see that as my own measurement- and Ive traced all human cruelty to this very thing- if I stopped doing this, would human cruelty go away?"

God: "the measurement in itself is not the problem, it is not the source of human cruelty- as I said, its just a tool that I gave you... the problem comes in that you have identified yourself completely with these measurements of yours - you think you ARE what you measure... and in that, youve forgotten something very important..."

me: "but, identification IS measurement, I can see that so clearly! so I shouldnt measure- if Im helpless to this identification..."

God: "No no... measure all you want- Im telling you there is no problem with it- I will let you do this all day, and it doesnt change anything... the thing is, the identification is a sort of forgetting- you dont seem to realize that with every measurement you separate yourself from me- from what is- from each other... every measurement you make, separates you from the simple FACT that you are not separate- you are One with me already- I am that which is inseparable- and this is what your measurement is bound to disregard- you have no choice in this matter- and this causes you suffering beyond the natural entropy of the body- this is what moves into your psychological, and then you identify with the body- you think "I am this body" and by so doing, you separate yourself again- its all a forgetting that you are not separate... and that forgetting has this aspect of "tearing" - its like tearing a ligament - separating sinew from bone, this forgetting... and this is the pain that you are trying to alleviate - the problem is, you are alleviating it by trying to perfect your measurements! how silly!"

me: "well, why dont you help with this? why do you let this go on?!"

God: "what did I just tell you dummy?! THAT would be trying to perfect another measurement in order to make the pain go away- with that VERY request, you are making ME a SEPARATE thing that can act on a YOU... and I just got done telling you- its not ME that forgets there is no separation between me and you, its YOU that forgets... I dont need to do anything - I am already with you completely... Im not the one making out this measurement- Im not the one separating us- YOU are- your very desire to have the suffering "go away" is self centered- and that is the thing that will bring about the suffering every time- that is what separates... your brain is like an athlete's muscle, and its been sprained from over tens of thousands of years of ab-use... you are just like that comedian who comes to me and says "doctor, it hurts every time I do this (*lifts up arm)" and here Im telling you - then dont DO that!"

me: "wait... so, dont think?... but you just said that I can measure all I want... its the identification thats the problem"

God: "YES- thats what I said... see, when you asked me at the very beginning of our conversation here, 'why do I measure?', you had it already in mind that you thought you had to find a way to stop measuring in order to stop suffering... you didnt see that THAT was a measurement itself... Im telling you now, when you ask 'why do I measure', if you saw that it was ME who was asking that question, and not you- that the PURE curiosity that is there in that question is the VERY same curiosity that is the sun when it comes up in the morning, of the hummingbird when it flits from flower to flower, of the flower itself when it opens to the sun- of the cock that crows- when you see that I AM that curiosity- and that I dont have a preconceived answer in my mind, that Im not trying to change anything- because I already know that I am not separate from you... when you see that- then you will remember... the forgetting will be in abeyance- it will simply fall away... there may be pain- but there will be no suffering... you and I will not be separate- you will not be separate from the sun, or the hummingbird, or the flower, or the crowing cock... you will be those things, when you remember that you are not separate from those things.... but if you TRY to remember 'SO-THAT'- so that you wont suffer any more, then you will find yourself back in the separation, and you will have created the suffering..."

me: "oh god...

I mean, Oh, God... as obscure as you can be sometimes, I think I might see what you are talking about..."

God: "you know what I call this?"

me: "umm...."

God: "let me not keep you hanging, beloved... I call this Love"

me: "I knew that..."

God: "yes... I know you did..."