From Etymonline:
From Dictionary.com:
From Etymonline:
___________________
I HAVE been delivered over...
I can meet that with fear, in which case, THAT is what Ive been delivered over to... or I can meet that with Love, in which case, that is the recipient of this body/mind... in any case, Ive been betrayed, in a business partnership- and as a consequence, Im coming up on a kind of semi-homelessness...
there is a 14' trailer that Ive been provided with to live in- (built in 1968) ... that will be my home... it is believed I still may be able to recieve an internet connection wirelessly, but there is no knowing for sure at this point... if I decide to walk away, I will lose anything that my car will not carry- and, in this economy/job-market...
thats what it looks like from the standpoint of "story"- from a "point of view"...
in any event, the story is not what is really important here- only how the story lives in me... and why should it live in me at all?
this is the current inquiry... and prayer...
more later, perhaps... right now, look with me at how this lives in our world... why this energy of "you are not enough" takes hold, and creates this disorder...
it is SO telling, these are the folks that seem to FEAR chaos more than death- so they go about trying to create a man-(self)-made order out of their lives... completely missing the disorder (see the post below) that is born of that very grasping... completely MISSING the order that is this beautiful life, just as it is! but the "you are not enough" is buried so deep in the unconsciousness of our mind- from childhood, from birth, and earlier- its in our DNA it would seem... but we know, some part of us KNOWS, its not true... why is it so hard to live from this knowing? why does the "not enough" return to haunt us? AND come out defending itself as "normal"... "Its how everybody does it!", says the "not-enough"...
this MUST be met with compassion- anything else, and one has stepped in that same stream of "not enough"...
so, this has been my Easter week...
and the blessings from this have poured forth- in seeing the no-struggle, that HAS to meet this energy... and IS meeting this energy, with simple prayer, and love...
peace to you all...
I love you all- no lie... no betrayal...
betray
c.1275, bitrayen "mislead, deceive, betray," from M.E. be- + O.Fr. traien, from L. tradere "hand over," from trans- "across" + dare "to give" (see date)
From Dictionary.com:
1. to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty
2. to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust.
3. to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one's friends.
4. to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret.
5. to reveal unconsciously (something one would preferably conceal): Her nervousness betrays her insecurity.
6. to show or exhibit; reveal; disclose: an unfeeling remark that betrays his lack of concern.
7. to deceive, misguide, or corrupt: a young lawyer betrayed by political ambitions into irreparable folly.
8. to seduce and desert.
From Etymonline:
traitor
c.1225, from O.Fr. traitor (11c.), from L. traditorem (nom. traditor) "betrayer," lit. "one who delivers," from stem of tradere "deliver, surrender" (see tradition).
___________________
I HAVE been delivered over...
I can meet that with fear, in which case, THAT is what Ive been delivered over to... or I can meet that with Love, in which case, that is the recipient of this body/mind... in any case, Ive been betrayed, in a business partnership- and as a consequence, Im coming up on a kind of semi-homelessness...
there is a 14' trailer that Ive been provided with to live in- (built in 1968) ... that will be my home... it is believed I still may be able to recieve an internet connection wirelessly, but there is no knowing for sure at this point... if I decide to walk away, I will lose anything that my car will not carry- and, in this economy/job-market...
thats what it looks like from the standpoint of "story"- from a "point of view"...
in any event, the story is not what is really important here- only how the story lives in me... and why should it live in me at all?
this is the current inquiry... and prayer...
more later, perhaps... right now, look with me at how this lives in our world... why this energy of "you are not enough" takes hold, and creates this disorder...
it is SO telling, these are the folks that seem to FEAR chaos more than death- so they go about trying to create a man-(self)-made order out of their lives... completely missing the disorder (see the post below) that is born of that very grasping... completely MISSING the order that is this beautiful life, just as it is! but the "you are not enough" is buried so deep in the unconsciousness of our mind- from childhood, from birth, and earlier- its in our DNA it would seem... but we know, some part of us KNOWS, its not true... why is it so hard to live from this knowing? why does the "not enough" return to haunt us? AND come out defending itself as "normal"... "Its how everybody does it!", says the "not-enough"...
this MUST be met with compassion- anything else, and one has stepped in that same stream of "not enough"...
so, this has been my Easter week...
and the blessings from this have poured forth- in seeing the no-struggle, that HAS to meet this energy... and IS meeting this energy, with simple prayer, and love...
peace to you all...
I love you all- no lie... no betrayal...
5 comments:
I've been going through something similar, and the anger and mistrust that comes from betrayal is very difficult to move away from. I really needed to hear this. Thank you.
Anony, my friend-
your "thank you" is healing too,
Thank YOU for dropping in here to say so... it means a good deal to me :)
namaste
well. i'm also in the process of losing every "thing".
it feels like every "one", too.
perhaps the most fearful is losing the part of me that is those things: that job, that house, that partner.
trying not to be fearful.. but.. i don't see the love in it... not quite yet.
Hi dear ani-
yes, there are moments of "where's the Love?" - of course there are ...
this sense, though.... this sense of Love being that very knocking on the door... this sense that, when I affix my desire to what is knocking (an idea that I have about "how it should be") or who is answering (an idea I have about "who I should be") then Im so very simply missing missing missing the simple simple truth...
Love IS the knocking itself...
"can you hear the knock on the door?"
I used to call it the "Inquiry" itself, or the "Looking" itself... this EXISTENCE itself! THAT I can look at all...
I have lived on the lip of insanity
wanting to know reasons...
there's a knock on the door... I answer it...
Ive been knocking from the inside!~Jelal ad-Din Rumi
yes- yes-
when I just HEAR the rain...
just SEE the kitten...
just FEEL the blankets wrapped around my crossed legs as I write this... and allow for the dropping away of all that is not immediate experience of this... THAT is the knocking.... that is the Love...
Time ... the falseness of time... that is what will throw me back into those images of what "should" be...
this is not easy, no... we ARE time- and so, time holds onto us with the tenacity of Death itself... but its the simplest thing in all of creation, these blankets wrapped around my crossed legs... the sound of that rain on the overhang... the kitten purring for some attention... it DOESN'T have to be attached to a "me"!
that is the freedom that is always there... and everyone will meet this freedom sooner or later... choose now...
When one (or many doors) close love is not only the knocking on the door, but the force itself that opens the new door(s).
It's often when one loses everything and feels surrounded by darkness that whatever glimmer of light that exists finally becomes visible.
Post a Comment