It lasted all of Five seconds, well, maybe 15 if Im being honest...
it really was great fun, to see something that just a few years ago would have occupied my every thought from October to January, take only 10 seconds to go through its cycle...
I was watching tv for about 3 hours yesterday, while watching for a fed-ex delivery for my roommate ... you dont want to know how "important" this package was... it was not a Present for anyone- it was not useful to the world in any way- it was just a self indulgence really- but I was being charitable about it, and spending my time downstairs instead of in my studio, so I could watch for the package for him...
so, after 3 hours of "holiday" commercials and jumping around from "Law and Order" to CNN to wherever else - my roomate comes home- and now can take the "watch" for his own package... we say hi- he has some reasonably innocent (for him, innocent) comment about the smell of the kitchen (didnt like what I was cooking earlier for my dinner- but did like the brownie smell from what I had baked- and the comment was about them not "mixing" or some such) and I got "huffy"- for about 10 seconds... he said he was only joking, I said I knew that perfectly well- but it still got to me- I went upstairs ... didnt make it to the top stair, when it was completely gone...
about two minutes later, I saw everything- I was detoxing from the tv, and THAT WAS my traditional Christmas Depression, "asserting" itself LOL!!!
it was really so cool, and really a wonderful Christmas gift to myself, from myself, to see it all so clearly-
oh, and today, I had a bout with holiday shopping anger- it was the same thing- it lasted about 5 seconds, and I was smiling inside all through it - see the old "me" asserting itself, acting like the barometer that it is, for the human weather we were having... (the head cashier at Michaels, the craft supply store, was telling my cashier how she could have done the transaction "better" (I handed her a 100$ bill and she didnt have the change) when it was CLEARLY (in my not so humble expert - truly, Im an expert in these things- in my not so humble expert opinion) it was CLEARLY HER own doing that was confusing the issue! The computer screen was telling all THREE of us that she owed me 67.03 in change, but instead she had to know how much I owed the drawer so she could count it back manually, for some silly reason- (all she should have done is hand the cashier HER 100.00 in twenties to her, and the cashier could have taken it from there) - I said "whatever 100-67.03=?, why does that matter" (snarky, yes) "I need to know", she said. "I just want 67.03 is all" "yes I know, Im getting to that"... finally she caught on to the simplicity of it all, and she eventually, with some "difficulty" after this "destroyed" her certainty of how this should go, managed to give me my change- then she started to tell the young lady (20 years old maybe?) how she should next time do it some other way- I said, loudly, to the cashier "YOU did GREAT, thank you SO much, and merry Chistmas to you!"... the head cashier didnt look up, and skulked off, with her Christmas present of self righteousness... for myself- I was smiling smiling smiling BIG smiles inside, seeing NONE of this was me or my doing... there really was just Love in this entire unfolding! and it was all PERFECT!
God, its all so very Lovely, this life is...
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